bj's gay porno-crazed ramblings

Friday, July 30, 2004
SOMETHING WILD

"Tell me Glenn, just how liberal are you?"

directed by: Robert Walters (1984)

Starring: Glen Armstrong, Scott Avery, Greg Girard, Bud Adams, Gavin Burke, Eliot Higgins, Wade Davis, Brian Michaels (aka Bobby Madison), Ron Collier, Phil Shannon, and Randy Page.

A simple story of two "boys" going camping who stumble upon a cabin with two guys having sex inside. Shocked and amazed, they watch the whole scene through a window, then late that night after setting up camp, discuss other incidents where they have witnessed such confusing, yet seemingly pleasurable, activity. While the dialogue will often make you laugh out loud, it avoids the cliche'-ridden "gee, no girls around, I guess I'll try this" nonsense that was so prevalent around this time. Here there is no mention of girls, or straight sex, but merely the wonderment of young men who discover their own (and more importantly, other men's) bodies.

I can't tell you a lot about director Robert Walters, often he's not credited on retailer's websites (but thanks to GAY EROTIC VIDEO INDEX, I found him), but his style is sort of a latter Tom DeSimone + William Higgins hybrid (DeSimone's quick short-hand plot devices, Higgins's (sometimes too-close) camera work). And while the film does have a cheesey (and annoyingly catchy - "I feel a change, a new lifestyle, we're getting ready for Something Wild" - written and performed by Garth Evans) theme song (like many mid 80's Falcons did) I have to say the music for this scene is just perfect - revved up jazzy how-can-I-help-but-want-gay-sex sounds - ya know?

Alas, this is yet another film that is usually only available in a chopped-up, shortened version by such retailers as HIS Video and MIDNIGHT MEN - their version of this video is missing over 30 minutes! Fortunately, I recently snagged one on eBay in the original old NOVA Films/L.A Video box - but not too worry, my pals at BIJOU VIDEO carry the complete, 116 minute uncut version.




Thursday, July 29, 2004
this is not where I expected to be at age 43 (and 1/2)!
Begging strangers for free underwear - no problem (btw, today it's Banana Republic blue boxers). Working for 7 dollars an hour selling burritos - no problem (I'm addicted to guacamole, what can I say?) 5 years of singledom after most of my adult life being paired off - no problem (I have a huge..... porno collection to keep me busy).

But now I have a room mate in the next room singing loudly along to Love Is A Battlefield. How did this happen!?




Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Train In Vein
See, you don't always need a facepic (or a doorman) to make a good impression on me. The funny thing about yesterday's hook-up is that I was just deciding to stick to drinking this week - just lay off the pursuit of sex, and go out each and every night to whatever place was selling the cheapest beer, have enough to incapacitate myself, then peddle home. But up pops the instant message, facepic exchange, he said he really liked mine, and his was nice. So screw the new temporary rules, check it out, see what happens. I guess i just thrust my fuzzy face up into the lower parts of his balls too persistantly, and SPLAT, he was done. Not that i'm complaining - I think it's sort of in line with my new campaign to make people smile, and he had that "oops, sorry, that was fast" sheepish smile, so it goes in the plus column.

Oh, I need help. Um, let me be more specific. The first one is easy - I have some bandwidth (knock on wood) left for the next 10 days, and can probably manage two decent clips, so suggestions would be appreciated. The other is sort of help steer (stear? stare?) me in the right direction. I could really use like a simple 2-3 days at a beach. I'm thinking September, midweek, but I have limited money and transportation. Last year I stupidly passed up an invite to Provincetown (a place I still have never been to), but now I am thinking something not so far, maybe the Jersey shore. Doesn't have to be gay, but perhaps gay-friendly, cheap cheap cheap, and something I can get to via train (or even bus). Just some cheap hotel for 2 nights and close enough to the ocean to take long walks on the beach and some crappy diner nearby. Just a place to get away from my apartment, computer, and let my head clear a bit. And I know the ocean is definately the place for that.




Nyc23king [2:18 AM]: hi
Bjland [2:18 AM]: hey man
Nyc23king [2:18 AM]: h i23 m top ill come over if uhave a door man
Bjland [2:19 AM]: huh?
Nyc23king [2:19 AM]: i only meet peple when the live in buildings with dor men
Bjland [2:19 AM]: fascinating
Nyc23king [2:20 AM]: do u ha one
Bjland [2:20 AM]: i only meet people who can type



Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Doing laundry, scrubbing the bathroom, and oh... rode my bike over to the West Village for quick sex. I was gonna write about that - maybe I still will. But it was over fast, and while in some ways unsatisfactory (do I need to spell that out?), as brief as it was, he had a handsome face, and we did get in some kissing. I would have liked more, but he was in a hurry - nice about it, but in a hurry.

So I peddle homeward, stop off at post office and there's a package. Hmmmm - how do I keep this vague, and still make it interesting. What can I say - the contents were a wonderful gift, and a nice note that just has me smiling. I've been struggling lately with my semi-annual "I have no friends" and a whole host of other self doubts, vague worries and all that depressing crap that just continues my inert life.

And then someone takes the effort, sometimes big, sometimes small, to just force that smile out of you, and you can try fighting it, but it won't work. You try to remind yourself of all your stinking problems, and how they are all self-imposed and blah blah blah, but you keep returning to "wow, what a nice guy!" and the smile returns. Even with the eyebrows furled, the physical act of the smile forces you to consider - I want to do the same thing, I want to make that effort to bring the same smile to other faces. Corny, I know; but I don't know how else to explain it.




This just in - Springfield Legalizes Same-Sex Marriage! In the episode, (not airing 'til January) not only does the town legalize same-sex marriage (to raise money - so of course Homer obtains an Internet license to marry gay couples) but one of the characters comes out of the closet. Woo-Hoo!



Monday, July 26, 2004
big thick green thumb



Ahhhh, faceless pics. So frustrating when you want to hook up with someone, yet they do come in handy when you need some mindless amusement. The intent here is no doubt to make me want to drop to my knees (as if I'm not usually there anyway) and enjoy this slab of manmeat. But of course, what I'm really thinking about is "wow, he gets good natural light. And a balcony! Wonder how much his rent is?"


Meanwhile, last night had a rare blowjob. Well, getting a blowjob isn't that rare, but it's unusual for me to be the guy just standing there grabbing a head as it plunges down into my crotch, without any reciprocation, making out, or anything. But it was a frustrating night. I tried the Phoenix and grabbing a beer, but it was empty and everyone was half my age (didn't you just say it was empty?) I gulped it down quickly, then headed to The Cock. I hadn't been there for Sunday Night backroom since maybe December, and it wasn't long before I realized why. Crappy crappy music, and drunken idiots squealing to their pals as they are standing around doing nothing and pushing and shoving in the too-dense crowd. Outside of the backroom there was a corner which was far more interesting. More open (and ventilated) than the back, just a few guys, but they were grabbing and sucking and kissing and yanking, so it was cool to watch for a while. But, again it got boring as I wasn't actually interested in any of them, which was moot as none of these boys seemed interested in me. Then the backroom again; pushed shoved poked (and not in the good way) shoved and I'm out of there. Phoenix, one more beer, bartender is pleasant, but I just felt too alone and self-consciously lonely in a quiet bar with only 8 other guys. Back to Cock, a nice looking guy was yanking on his thick meat while a jockstrapped guy (that's all he was wearing) licked his balls. This was fun to watch, and was more out in the open, outside of the back room. I flicked his nipples, held his balls, and while he didn't object, he didn't acknowledge me more than an occasional glance to see if my cock was hard yet. They gave up, I gave up and strolled one last time in back.

During all the quick visits back there during the course of the night, I'd say 85% of the guys were not involved in any sexual activity at all - no kissing, groping, and certainly no jerking or sucking. But about three very determined men somehow managed to get enough space to be kneeling down and doing all they could to get cock in their faces. Usually it was one guy getting blown while 8-10 guys crowded in to watch; sometimes the cocksucker was sampling 2 or 3 while so many others just watched, shoved, pushed and crowded around. But this last time I went back, one of those guys who had been on his knees was standing up. Earlier, all I could see was the back of his white t-shirt, and long hair in a pony tail. Now I saw him standing, his hand on another guy's cock besides him, and he had a nice goatee, good torso with a nicely built chest that housed two prominent nipples. Another handsome man walked up, grabbed his cock, they grabbed each other while some 3rd guy was sucking ponytail off. Then he reached over and just lightly touched my chest and smiled. Still involved with the others, but it was a nice affectionate gesture. As the crowd continued to shove and push, he managed to get closer and reached down to my crotch, grabbing it firmly. It wasn't long before he had my stuff out, and he somehow managed to find real estate on the floor and was on his knees.

Other guys moved in closer; the other cute one seemed to like watching, but he wasn't into me so much as watching his new partner perform. Another guy stood besides me, pulled out his thick one, and ponytail continued on me, while looking at the other guy. I pulled out of his mouth as a way of giving permission to do what he wanted, so he went for the other guy. But he looked great sucking, and unlike earlier, from this vantage point, I could not only see his handsome face, but look straight down and see his dick get thicker and longer as he yanked. He returned to me, sucking and slurping - I tried to get him on my balls, but it didn't seem to do much for him so he returned to my dick. Mind you, he wasn't so great - teeth occasionally scraping, going too fast, but it was the watching him that kept me interested, and more importantly, kept me hard. I was getting close, and knew the danger of pulling away could mean he gets distracted and doesn't come back, but I wanted another minute or two to watch him perform. So the thick one beside me returned into ponytail's mouth, and I positioned myself to get a better view of the floor and ponytail's cock as he pounded it. He returned to me, but only briefly as I could feel me getting close, and I pushed him off. Returning to the other guy, I saw his dick was throbbing hard and sticking straight up, and it seemed fitting that I should aim for it. The first drops landed as planned, and while not taking the other guy's cock out of his mouth, his eyes returned to my crotch as he watched the rest of it spooge downward into his crotch. I grabbed his head affectionately, shook off the last few drops, and moved backward, away into the crowd.




Sunday, July 25, 2004

From the "you may not want me, but I want you, so there" folder.

Garsh, I've saved lots of pics from the various M4M chatrooms and "dating" websites. I should try to post some more, eh? But alas, no time for that now, must put on some stranger's boxers and get ready for work. Yup, all that beggin payed off - yesterday I received a box of boxers. WOO-HOO! Then there was beer drinking at a couple local bars with some tourists (nice tourists --- nice=they paid for the beer), which was fun. Now it's aspirin, a few more gulps of coffee, and - oh damn, look at the time - will have to take care of MR. THROBBY later.




Friday, July 23, 2004



Don't even ask how the quest began, but at some point I am watching Le Beau Mec (starring Karl Forest), and realized I didn't have it listed in my video collection page, so I wanted to check the credits. That's how I discovered that the music (or at least some of it - "C'EX") is from Philippe Nicaud, and suddenly I needed to track it down. Alas, it's from 1969, nothing pops up in WinMX.com, and even eBay has only one thing listed with Philippe Nicaud. But actually most of the music is by someone/something called "Gilles Esnault & Michel Roy", and google searches seem to only take me to painting sites, and French sites I can't decipher, and stuff that just doesn't add up to SOUNDTRACK FOR LE BEAU MEC. grrrrrrr.




Thursday, July 22, 2004

1970's clothing catalogue for men - AH MEN




If you get out of bed before soberring up, you might be able to escape the hangover. But just in case, keep the noise low, OK? And SHHHHHHHHHHHH - you didn't get this here, right?



Wednesday, July 21, 2004
SLUGGO or PORK?

Still dealing with last night's hangover, don't know if I can make it way uptown to Eagle, but I could go there first, then head down to Sluggo at night's end, and see what trash is still hanging out.




so, where are the gloryholes?


OK, so I didn't really expect an answer to that question while reading this smarmy piece in the NYT today - It's a Long, Lonely Search for Men Looking for Love in Alaska (subtitled: So many men, so little time, or, a Joe Gage movie waiting to happen). And I also figured they probably wouldn't even mention gay men while discussing the abundance of single men, and dearth of single women. The writer managed to dance around it a bit with this line - "Complicating matters for lovelorn men, Anchorage and Fairbanks, the state's two largest cities, are becoming the fast-growing hot spots of a new demographic - lesbians." And still no mention of gay men. But the real coffee-being-spit-out-at-computer-screen moment was this precious line:

"One of Mr. Augdah's friends, Haven Harris, 25, an aide to a state senator from Nome, said that he had not had a girlfriend in years and that he was planning to move to San Francisco by the end of the year to find a woman." - He hasn't had a girlfried in years because.... a lack of supply? or he's FUCKIN" CLUELESS?




Tuesday, July 20, 2004
SEND ME YOUR BOXERS

I'm really bad on following up on stuff (ask the guys who got the velcro cockrings,and now I can't find the pics they submitted; or the guys who keep asking about EYEBROWMAN). But short term, here we go.

80.133.208.170 - remember the bandwidth hog? The following day, a different #pops up, and thanks to 2 dozen emails telling me how to trace these things, it's coming from the same source. But then it died down, and no one place seems to be grabbing bandwidth. But to me, the funniest thing is that of all the stuff I've been posting about lately, that one got the most responses of all - possibly about ANYTHING ever. I thought you guys were porno fans, not geeks! FREE STUFF. First time around, no one wanted any of those books; 2nd time around 2 emails. (I realize it wasn't great stuff, but.. hey, both you guys, it's in the mail) Jesse Ditmar = Michael Kearns? - 3 responses, all saying they were sure I was wrong. Finally I realized I had the BUCKSHOT/COLT video Private Party with Ditmars, and checked it out. Nope, I was wrong (it ain't often you'll see that in print, so note the date). Both men are hot,hot hot - but they are 2 different guys - each only doing a porno once. Ditmar a solo, and Kearns, cocksucking/dirtytalk without ever showing his stuff. (and an interesting guess at the TUNE that played during the L A TOOL scene - swearing it was from Jesus Christ Superstar; which compelled me (I know, I know, THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU) to do the WinMX thing and find the song, compare, and email the guy back that he was mistaken.) SEND ME YOUR BOXERS - nothing, nada, no one, WTF? Seriously, men. I've torn 2 pairs this week - surely some of you must have some boxers you dont need? Medium or large, 100% cotton (I know beggars shouldn't be choosers, but these balls need an all-cotton home). What do I have to do, promise to look for more discardable VHS gay porno? Show a little cock to get some attention here? (and please, no jokes about my little cock; very very thenthitive lately)




*** You are in "Town Square - nyc dungeon m4m". ***

Bjland: hairy horny oral lower east side
Abspecsbis: NYC 8c top
Bklynpoztop: FIRE ISLAND HOTHungHandsome POZ TOP MAN lookin to PLOW good lookin in shape NASTY BOTOTMS FIRE ISLAND
Mdr9541: looking for a boy that needs some old fashion discipline, and will then show his appreciation
Bjland: fashion discipline?



Monday, July 19, 2004
Date didn't happen. He wasn't feeling well, we talked a bit on the phone, maybe try again later in the week. By about 11pm I was getting ansy, and went out for a beer. Some guy kept staring in my direction, but because of the streetlight streaming thru the window behind him, it was awhile before I could tell he was looking at me. Even then I was uncertain what was going on, as he was with several friends, and we all know the rule - the guy with friends has to make the move if he's cruising a solitary man - the solitary man is never expected to approach a guy who's with other folks. So it was a bit painful there for awhile, wondering if he'd ever get up the nerve, so I went for a 2nd beer, enough eye contact was made that he should've known I was interested.

He came over, and within a minute was tugging on the goatee-thing, which drives me wild. To make a long story short, we eventually left, I walked him to some sort of late-night Pakistani take-out, he ate spicey food as we walked back towards his place. Something about a roommate, and something about not wanting to come to my place, we exchanged phone numbers. And a few lingering kisses. He said he didn't have to work during the day, so he'd call me at 10:30 this morning so he could come over. And the time now is....?

D'oh!




Sunday, July 18, 2004
movie and...


I have a date tonight. I think we are going to a movie, but not sure we can agree on anything. He seems to like all those bad comedies that are out this summer, and I want something depressing and moody. And then there's the old second date what-do-we-talk-about problem. He's leaving town soon, anyway, so I needn't worry so much. Then again, he might try (again) to go where no man has been in the past year. (and before that, jeez, several years) I'll just need to do some more of those exercises while sitting at work this afternoon to prevent that.

Meanwhile (and you know I'm typing this before rushing off to work, still half asleep, so it's all just jumbled thoughts spurting out of my fingers...), I am running out of underwear. I woke up this morning with yet another pair mysteriously ripped (and I was alone all night, mind you). I don't feel much like buying any, so I'll just be blunt. SEND ME YOUR SIZE MEDIUM, 100% COTTON BOXERS, and I'll be ever so greatful.




Friday, July 16, 2004
L. A. TOOL & DIE

"You wanna beat off? (sure ya do) Why don't you jack that dick off 'til you cum in my face?"

directed by: Joe Gage (1979)

Starring: this scene, Michael Kearns, Richard Locke, the GAGE MEN; elsewhere in the film - Will Seagers, Casey Donovan, Derrick Stanton, Paul Baressi, Bob Blount, Richard Youngblood, Johnny Falconberg, Joe Walsh, Joseph Kearns, Shawn Victors, Becky Bitter, Dan Pace (aka Rocky Genero), Scott Sinclair, Gregg Dale, Bob Damon, Roy Harwood, Chuck Cord, Matthew Forde, Steve Rideout, Rev. Spoonball (on the radio), Joe Gage and "The Gage Men" (Carlos Balajo, Patrick Graham, Paul Guild, Erling Hitt, Beau Lovejoy, Max Osterhaut, Jose Solica, Nels Stensgaard, Shelly Gard). Music by Al Steniman, Harmonica solos by Chuck Thatcher.

To really do this scene justice, I should have started form the beginning of the film, as the screen is black, the radio stations are being changed (with Rev. Spoonball speaking his mind), and the titles roll, showing the run-down remains of the El Paso Wrecking Corp. Hey, can any of you with the DVD of Tool & Die tell me if the names are cut off like they are in this video version (see pic on right)? Now, what's the best thing about this scene? Is it the big cum shot shooting up into/over Mr. Kearns's face? Is it the hot talk from him after that, as he's egging Locke (still unseen) on to show his dick? Is it the intro music that's reminiscent of Westerns? Is it the revved up music later in the scene, that sounds like a 70's cop show or chase scene in a film? (Both of these subliminally reminding us this is about men - men, men, men!) Nope. Besides Richard Locke's smile at the end of the scene, you don't see any other faces beside Kearns's - just bodies. Hot, sweaty, dripping, hairy, mature, masculine, male bodies. And that's not all. You do not see Kearns below the waist. Just his face and torso - sweating, slurping, writhing, begging ... he even talks about how he's about to cum, but we never see it. This is something you would never do in a modern porn movie -- have a hot stud where you not only don't see him cum, but not even a peak at his cock! (Look for the COLT picks to see what a great cock it is, if you're into that sort of thing.)

So back to the original question - Michael Kearns, as seen in the stills and clip above, is the same guy as Jesse Ditmar, in the pic posted below, right?




Jesse Ditmar = Michael Kearns?

Ever find yourself spending hours surfing thru the ATKOL forums, and you find a question from like 4 years ago posted, but you still feel compelled to help out and give some extra info? So in two separate postings someone is asking about a scene where a guy is talking to HANK, and is going down on some guy's dick as he talks directly to the camera (Hank) saying this guy is going to pop, as he slurps on this nice cock and yes, it pops, (and it pops good!) all over his handsome face. So of course we all know it's the opening scene from Joe Gage's L. A. Tool & Die, right? And someone has answered with the correct info, adding that it's the only porno Kearns did. But, I am sure he is wrong, that face is just too good, too handsome, too familiar, I've seen it elsewhere.... ahhhh COLT! So I am scurrying thru tons of magazines, trying to find that COLT Anniversary album to check. Now I am 90% sure it IS the same guy, but then I need to double check by looking at the clip this morning, the first few minutes of L. A. Tool & Die, which is of course awesome, and now I am 96% sure. But, but.... being the insecure person that I am , I need validation. So maybe, now that the evil bandwidth sucker seems to have gone away, I can post a brief part of that clip and get some feedback. Should I?






I was just about to dump this box of books, but figured I'd post the list of freestuff once more before heading to the dumpster.



Thursday, July 15, 2004
"it's not porn, it's me"

Some folks make me laugh. Some make me hard. Some do both. But I always find it interesting that many people (this man is probably not one of them, actually) make a point of distinguishing porn form art. As if something can't be both. Sure, most porn isn't art, and neither is most television; but we still like some of it, consume a lot of it, and occasionally find the art in it.




Wednesday, July 14, 2004
80.133.208.170
I had an unexpected overnite away from home. Very nice, but it means I am just getting home now in time to bathe, dress, and get to work. Lots to think about. We met some months ago at a sexclub, we exchanged numbers, but I never called him.We ran into each other last night. Now he is leaving town for school, which actually relaxed me enough to want to spend some time together.

Meanwhile, doing the quick webstats thing, I discover some site pulled nearly a quarter of yesterday's bandwidth (23% of over 1/2 gb.), but I can't figure out who it is, what specifically they were pulling, and most important, how to stop it. Grrrrr.

Listing the top 20 hosts by the number of requests, sorted alphabetically.

reqs: %bytes: host
-----: ------: ----
616: 0.53%: 24.20.29.120
168: 0.58%: 61.230.235.91
290: 0.93%: 62.81.237.11
518: 1.67%: 62.89.246.26
176: 0.22%: 65.93.203.172
671: 1.86%: 66.47.144.75
248: 0.51%: 68.74.157.186
241: 0.67%: 80.58.35.42
2283: 23.86%: 80.133.208.170

80.133.208.170 - who are you and why are you doing this to me??




Tuesday, July 13, 2004
GAY EROTIC VIDEO INDEX

One of my most-used on-line resources for looking up gay porn movies and performers, poor Woody's site was down for a week or two. But not to worry, he's back, and always appreciates feedback, including corrections - so check his site out, and pop him an email, too.




rimming b4 noon?
Qpmwoof [11:36 AM]: great pics, you look like someone i once fooled with at east side club...smooth boyish asian sub here
Bjland [11:37 AM]: never been to east side club
Qpmwoof [11:37 AM]: ok, then i rimmed a guy who looks just like you...do you have any ws porn?
Bjland [11:37 AM]: nope

gosh, sometimes i am sooooooo unfriendly. And then I complain about.... (complaint dept. closed)




Sunday, July 11, 2004
this is not as hot a party as I had anticipated
OnlineHost: *** You are in "Town Square - m4m nyc now". ***

KockDenNyc:
CUM TO A PLACE WHERE YOU KNOW YOU WILL GET OFF
Bjland: wheres that
Blnboy4pnp: East 55th here
UWSfreemassage: UWS here
VbtmChlcLatin: Chelsea hosting

...... so, with no answer in the chatroom, I click on the KockDenNyc profile:

Name: THE STUDIO
WE WANT MORE NOW!
LEATHER PIG PLAY GOING ON NOW TIL 6am
212 967 9383 CALL FOR INFO
Location: NEW YORK, NY
Gender: Male
Hobbies & Interests: TONIGHT-- RUMPUS ROOM, IN-SHAPE SEXY GUYS
Favorite Gadgets: WEEKLY PARTIES AND EVENTS
Occupation: PRIVATE MENS CLUB
Personal Quote: 3000 sq. ft. play space for MEMBERS and their guests. Email us for more info.
Hometown HomePage: http://hometown.aol.com/kockdennyc/

clicking the "hometown page" link, nada; calling the phone number, I expected an answering machine with info, but got a live person instead

"hey man, looking for info on the party tonight"
"Oh, just come with I.D. and we'll tell you when you get here" he responds
"how much? is there a dress code?....
"we'll tell you when you get here"

So next I try instant messaging the guy who posted in the chat room -

Bjland [10:58 PM]: hey - i called the number, but they wouldnt give me any info over the phone
KockDenNyc [10:59 PM]: we have to give it to you when you get thee
Bjland [10:59 PM]: so i have no idea what it costs, if theres a dress code, or nothing untill AFTER i get across town?
KockDenNyc [11:00 PM]: theres a clothes check
Bjland [11:01 PM]: well, i guess if thats all the info you can give, i'll pass.
Bjland [11:01 PM]: but thanks

at this rate I am bound to lick this sexclub addiction....







Friday, July 09, 2004

It's official. After 23 months, I am no longer bearded. I realize that to those who don't appreciate facial hair, these so-called non-beard pics look pretty much like beard pics; but no, it's back to a goatee - a very full, long, and sometimes scarey-looking (just ask the small children in the neighborhood) goatee. But despite that, the few who have managed to have a seat on this face know that it's a very soft, yet lively ride. Applications for the next ride currently being accepted.




Thursday, July 08, 2004
Several paragraphs into (yet another) self-pitying post, I give up. It's really hard to make those interesting, you know? (OK, so you're thinking "who ever said they were interesting?") I will say this much. I really am trying to adjust my attitude, but roadblocks keep popping up. Not 2 hours after posting the room-share thing on CRAIGSLIST, the roommate has changed his plans yet again. Now he will only be gone for one month! I really should just set up his room as a 24-hour jerk-off club for the month of August, and be done with it.

Meanwhile, a friend is unexpectantly in from out of town, and keeping in line with my new nice guy thing I'm trying out, I offered he could stay here for a couple days. But it's just this tiny small space here, and to have another body, a huge duffle bag, and conflicting personalities.... And I'm trying so hard to do the good parent thing - each time I yell or roll my eyes in frustration at him, I give him a big hug to remind him I still love him, and that while I may act like an ogre, I really am lovable. But it's barely 10:45 am, and the man is smoking a joint in my face! Ten minutes later, he's worried about his visa application that he hasn't gotten ready yet. (Good idea, smoke a joint, then get paranoid about explaining to the French why they should allow yet another American to live in their country.)

And I wonder why I've been drinking a lot more this summer.




Wednesday, July 07, 2004
BORN TO RAISE HELL

directed by: Roger Earl (1975)
Starring: Val Martin, Steve Richards, John Detour, Eric Lansing, Tiger John, David Andrews, and Quave Dalton.

Some beer-drinking, a little pool - much like how I spent last night; then getting home as the birds were waking. Who the hell woke me up this morning to post this? (OK, maybe the cockring choking my throbbing manmeat woke me up.) Where the hell was I? Getting aspirin, making coffee, and converting VHS to AVI to WMV... right, right. I like the music, I like the credits, and I secretly wish I could be Val Martin. (OK, OK, I wish I could belong to Val Martin.) View at your own risk.




Tuesday, July 06, 2004
cheap, free, and fun
Some non-porn stuff (like a cool MUMBLEBOY t-shirt, books, and, er, some str8 porn - ewwww!) on my eBAY auction page - and a chance to get some freestuff. Speaking of fun, any locals should head out to BIG LUG tonight, cuz I plan on being very thirsty. But after 1:30, it's Phoenix, then The Cock.

I will no doubt need a wake-up call, so I can post one last videoclip for the "bandwidth month" - so at least send an email reminding me you want to see this 29-year old porn clip.




Any web-savy geeky technical type guys out there who can tell me how to keep this from happening?



Monday, July 05, 2004
GM seeks GM for short term relationship
I just can't get around to doing this. I know I must have the ad on CRAIGSLIST by tomorrow - but I hate sorting thru the emails and interviewing. (Although, in an odd coincidence last night, a cutie who I interviewed a few months back came up to me at The Phoenix, and reminded me we almost lived together. Alas, his stuff was too big to fit, so...) And this being for a short term, it's a big hassle and really not worth it, except I can't carry the rent on my own, and the roommate can't afford to pay while he's away.. On the one hand I am doing the roommate a favor by handling this (he'll be away for 9 weeks, but wants to hang on to the share, despite not being able to afford to pay while he's away) and on the other hand, of course I need to be the one picking the person, as I will be here, living with him. This is all I've been able to sketch out here, and I'm sure I'm leaving out some important stuff:

short term share on Lower East Side

available 08/01/04 to 09/30/04 -- $600/mo (or 200ish/week). 2 months or shorter.

small room (9 x 7) with good sized closet, chair, air mattress, and most important perhaps, air conditioning.

Apartment is 3 small rooms - my room, the kitchen, and my roommate's room. He will be out of town for 2 months, so we need just a short term person for his room.




Sunday, July 04, 2004
Gordon Grant sandwich

I think I mentioned that this mag/film is the only one where you see Mr. Grant getting his beautiful ass fucked, right?




Saturday, July 03, 2004
LIFEGUARD

Brentwood Studios (1977)

Starring: Gordon Grant + Jim and John (one of whom is hairy Duff Paxton)

Y'all will forgive me for no background or set-up? I drank way too many beers last night (a few hours ago) and need to get some aspirin in my head, and some soap and water on my body, and git to work.




Friday, July 02, 2004
Those of you with a blog/webpage might be able to relate to this. So I'm doing my thrice hourly check of referrals, and click on one incoming link to see who this new referral is. OOOH, not a mere sidebar link, but actually within the text of a posting.

"Check him out. Unlike most of the gay blogging community (Ernie not included) he's not a screaming queer, he's not giving blowjobs to strangers...he's a honest-to-god writer first and foremost, who blogs about his life, which just happens to include his sexuality. I really enjoy his writing, and I don't say that very often. He's got a knack with the words, and I'll be disappointed if he's overlooked by those marauding agents that are apparently out there on the internet pilfering bloggers for bookdeals."

No, I am not the subject of this paragraph, but this paragraph is meant to be complimentary to someone else, someone who I've read and also enjoy. NO, my linkage is the phrase "giving blowjobs to strangers" (which, by the way, I haven't done in 7-1/2 days; and, quite frankly, I'm not sure how one is supposed to otherwise meet new people, but I digress, as usual). I don't really have trouble with the put-down per se (like most of us, I learned several decades ago that I'm not everyone's cup of tea), as much as it's just a shame that he couldn't have found a better way to compliment the guy he actually liked. Saying "your not a slut like that other guy" just seems, um, how you say, tacky?




standing naked in the kitchen, I am beginning the holiday (for you, not for me, as I will be working my regular sat-wednesday shifts) weekend with a freezer defrost. Then we have naked vacuuming, naked mopping, and perhaps even some naked writing.



Thursday, July 01, 2004

Miss me? A whole 24 hours without posting.... just jerk-off to my pic and.... just kidding. Trying to discipline myself (someone has to do it - but spanking your own ass just isn't quite the same) to get some postings up on eBay. Me so poor. Me need money.

And then I have to find a temp roomie for aug/sept. Anyone wanna live with me?