bj's gay porno-crazed ramblings |
| Sunday, March 31, 2002
music and balls Having decided not to see a movie with friends, nor go to a queer, but co-ed sex party, I flipped thru tv channels and AOL chatrooms for awhile. A young man popped up (well, his screenname, anyway) and I quickly recognized him as a trick from 2 years ago (I hate that word, but it's really the easiest way to describe the "slurp slurp, ooh yeah, right there, let me get a towel, get home safe. what's in the fridge" sorta encounter that is was). He danced around the issue for awhile, and I was being vague, as I had remembered our second time as being one of those "my god will this man ever cum!?" kinda evenings. But, ordering in on a Saturday night seemed like not a bad idea, and he had recently moved back into the neighborhood. The only other guy chatting me up was someone who kept asking "what do you do for a living" type questions, always responding with "cool", so I knew that was going nowhere. But to my pleasant surprise, when he got here, he was handsomer than I remembered, I played a mixed CD from a good pal (thanks, Mike; we came during Fortune Presents Gifts Not According to the Book - Dead Can Dance - NO SHIT!), and we relaxed, etc, in the bedroom. When he left, the night really picked up. I came in here, and got obsessed with finding and downloading "glitch rock"and various other sorts of electronic music. Nearly 3 hours of hunting and gathering (and of course boppin' my head listening, and annoying the neighbors with the too-loud, quirky sounds blasting from this p.c.) here are some highlights:
And check out this site with a few tunes from Kitty-Yo Compilation 2002.02 - I think there's a FLASH player with 3 pretty groovy songs on it.
Saturday, March 30, 2002
gay adoptionabout 2 weeks ago, a handsome young man residing somewhere to the west of here wrote some of his thoughts about the Diane Sawyer interview of Rosie ODonnel and the gay adoption lawsuit in Florida. I saw the show that night; in fact, I had just watched The Laramie Project on HBO2 just prior to the airing of Rosie's interview. So, her occasional derisions of "the gay activists" was nearly as annoying as Sawyer's poor handling of the interview of the stupid Florida Legislator. Reading HCL's blog the next day made me sad, and reminded me of my anger about the issue; but I wanted to give it some time to absorb.First, some perspective. Two adults with differing sets of genitals can make a baby, and no one can interfere, period. Boom, they have a child. They can be drug addicts, cannibals, people who don't recycle, whatever, but no one can stop them from having a baby, period. That's nature, and there's no point in trying to get around that. (And taking children away from bad legal parents is quite difficult). If you don't fit that criteria, but want a child, it's trickier, of course. Two women have a better change of having a child, since one can get pregant, but 2 guys have to go completely outside their relationship to have a child. Now, having said all that, it's also important to know that I don't think having a child is/should be necesarily considered a right. If you have the physical ability to do it, I don't want the government interfering too much with that, but, if you don't, and we're talking adoption, then I agree with the principle of "best interest of the child". But when government does get involved, as it must, it must set fair and reasonable criteria to meet the "best interests of the child." It should be rigorous and thorough in it's investigation of anyone foster-parenting or adopting. And that's where the Florida law fails, and fails miserably. The creep on the Diane Sawyer Show, Rep. Ball, kept talking about this whole 2 differently gendered parents as this ideal. It's really about sex, and discomfort with queers. Rosie did keep hammering away at that issue, and I give her credit for being so clear and thorough about the unsaid issue - what about the kid's seeing you have sex? It's inapprorpiate for any parent to be sexual in front of children. Period. And he was left pretty much unchallenged by Sawyer, not delving into why there must be two, and why they must be of different genders. And while I used to be one of those folks who, if pushed, would say, "sure, good mom and good dad is better" I don't know if I agree with that so much anymore. I know lots of folks have grown up fine with single parents, but, to be honest, I think 2 good parents is better than one good parent. So I think my hierarchy, if I had to choose, would be 2 over single, but I wouldn't make a distinction over whether the 2 are the same or different genders, but if in a committed, life-time relationship, as MARRIAGE (if we had that!) is, then there's where I would go. But, Florida allows single-parent adoption! And that's where these guys are shown as just bigoted butt-fucks! If it's ok to adopt as a single parent, how can 2 parents be inferior and unacceptable???? But Sawyer didn't call him on it, because asking reasonable logical questions isn't what a journalist does, right? And this is what made me sad about HCL's post. "I am NOT a role model for gays. " and Rosie was pretty much saying that she is a gay parent role-model. (And I have no reason to doubt that perhaps she is) I just hate this prooving we are BETTER in order to be treated fairly and equally crap that queers and other minorities seem to have to go through so often. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO BE A ROLE MODEL??? ya just got to be a good parent! Children do not need "perfect" parents-they need one or more caring and committed individuals willing to meet their needs and to incorporate them into a nurturing family environment. (yes, I lifted that last line from some single-parent adoption site, but it says it well, I think). Plenty of parents have their "flaws" - lots of parents drink, smoke dope, have affairs, and while I wouldn't advise doing those things necessarily if taking care of a child, I don't think you have to become a perfect person first before having children. It is the committment to doing whatever you have to. And it's a lot of hard work (they tell me), but I can't imagine anything more rewarding! I have 2 siblings who have kids, and everytime I see them, I just see this wonderful world view from them. I just look at them as these amazing optimists, who chose to have several kids, because they love life so much. To me, if you see life as this wonderful journey, where you meet great people, learn fantastic things, experience deep emotions, and care about helping another person enjoy that, by teaching, and nuturing, and guiding, and crying and holding, and listening, and just being there, then, go for it. It's the scariest thing that you could do; and it should be scarey, cuz you gotta do it well. Not perfect, just well.
Friday, March 29, 2002
I dunno why I'm still laughing a full day after first coming across this - via ultramundane - "brawny french guys" Thursday, March 28, 2002
and another thing...emails. I've gotten some really great ones in the past few days, from folks who have some nice things to say. I have to admit, I'm not always good at getting back to folks, so if you haven't heard from me, or if an email was curt, nothing personal. I'm a slug. I slowly wake up, drinking coffee, surfing, etc, reading, but not really functional in terms of human interaction for several hours. So, just like Sister Bertrille, I am full of good intenetions, and sincerely mean to get to those emails, occasionally a few fall thru the crack, so forgive me, please. Also, I have this bad habit of deleting some spam-looking mail without opening, as I get a shitload from AOL and YAHOO addresses that appear to be penis-enlarging viagra-promoting Britneyspearsnudies, so if I accidentally deleted you, again, sorry. oh wait, I almost forgot this gem. Given the particulars, you might be able to understand why I never responded: dear bj,
Well, I haven't looked at the whole list, but will come back to it to see how many of the 50 COOLEST RECORDS I own and/or like. But, since one of only two women I'd ever have sex with (just to have the baby, mind you) is at #16 with Vespertine, let's celebrate with another Bjork remix, eh? Here's Sun In My Mouth - Recomposed by ENSEMBLE.
Hungover. I remember a really cute short guy with a sorta squeaky voice ( but in an adorable way) . I remember we talked, he complemented my looks (must've been the baseball cap shading my face). He asked to hold my hand for a moment. He was pretty drunk, and was with a pal. When I excused myself to go to the bathroom, he had left the spot we were talking in by the time I got back. I grabbed a beer, returned to the spot, and we made eyes from a distance, while he was back with his pal. Not much later, going down the stairs to smoke some pot with 2 buddies, our eyes met, and locked, for a few more moments. When we came back up, he was nowhere in sight, completely gone. Gosh, what a beautiful face. I had probably two more beers after that, plus a ton of junk food when i got in last night/this morning. While he was pretty drunk, and probably "useless" if-ya-know-what-I-mean, that would've been some great kisser to wake up to....... Wednesday, March 27, 2002
well, that (below) took forever to publish (6 hours?) Need to get ready to get off GEOCITIES on April 1st ( yeah, I know, great day to transfer stuff over, cross my fingers, etc). Meanwhile, watching a Kristen Bjorn video, I'd forgotten how much those guys cum! And each "actor" doesn't cum just once, but minimum twice, often 3-4 times a scene. And no filler in these videos, that's for sure.
Anyone else having trouble with the Kansas City Trucking Co. clip loading? Got one report from a MAC user, Not working in OS X, but he managed to get it up, so to speak, in OX 9.x (whatever that means). Beautiful, sunny, sad day today. grrrr. Tuesday, March 26, 2002
  hmmmm. Just logged onto DREAMHOST (where all my images, and all webpages except this blogpage are hosted) to check stats, etc, and saw they are offering more storage space, more GB's/month to transfer, etc. At first I was pissed, thinking new folks would be getting a better deal. But, I see that I am entitled to the extra storage space, and more bandwidth (woo-hoo!). So, of course I'm happy, and added their little logo on to the bottom of this page for anyone looking for a webhosting service (if you click thru there, and sign-up, i guess I get some $$).....blah blah, who cares, right? But I figure its time to post that KANSAS CITY TRUCKNG CO movie trailer! Which is a great coincidence, cuz someone emailed me having read me mention it in some old archived blog, and wanted to see it, and I cautioned him that poor, unemployed me has to watch the bandwidth allocation. So, let's hope y'all don't go crazy, but I think it's a cool trailer, so check it out by clicking the image: (if you think you'd want to watch more than once, save it to your harddrive with the old "right click, SAVE TARGET AS" by using this link) Monday, March 25, 2002
 If you saw that famous-people talk about their favorite movies with bright white background Banana-Republic/Gap Ad-style thing at the Oscars, maybe you can help me figure this out - It reminded me how much I used to LOVE that mustached Russian guy who was always hanging around with Mikhail Gorbachev. But what was his actual job? Why was he always with Gorbie? And more importantly, why was he in the background of the Gorbachev clip on the Oscars, silently smiling with that thick, bushy 'stache? (where Gorbachev talks about how much he liked Gladiator - hmmmm). Seriously, wasn't it like the only one where there was another person in the frame, and damn that guy's mustache looks as good as it did in the 80's! Can't say I blame Gorbie for having the guy around so much. Now, how do I get a decent picture of the guy? Did anyone tape the show, and can send me a still shot? a word of adviceIf you plan on going out sleazing, and get several close calls - including great mouths, hairy buttholes, firm grips, thick pieces, fuzzy chests, and low-hangers - do not leave your leather cock/ball divider cockring on when you crash if you haven't cum. Otherwise, you are in for some very painful morning wood.Sunday, March 24, 2002
very very very horny. And it's Sunday, which is a night I used to like to go out looking for sex, so.... Actually, The Cock is having another BLACK OUT party. Usually when one of those Circuit Parties is in town, The Cock does its cheaper version for us unemployed, D-list types. So, a few more bucks cover charge, even less lighting than usual, the usual crappy house, trance, hi-NRG club dance music, but men who somehow get much much friendlier when they pay 10 bucks instead of 8 bucks admission (and the fact that they can't possibly see who they are groping, tasting, sucking, face-fucking seems to help, too). And hell, I could use some sweaty fun. And now, like any good gayboy, I can fret about what to wear for the rest of the evening. Leather pants and filthy broken-in tank top? Button-fly jeans with my fave jockstrap, and that thermal long-sleeve shirt that makes me look like I have no gut and an actual chest? There's always the dark green cargo shorts with the oh-I-didn't-know hole in the back, just under the pocket so you don't see, but you definately feel (too cold out, but those pockets are great for holding a beer, a joint, and money, all in separate places). There are those really worn jeans, Ramones-holes in knees, that are way too tight, and I keep promising myself to throw away, and the zipper won't stay closed (hehe). But if I really want to overanalyze ( a lovable or painful trait, depending on whether you are a current, or an ex boyfriend), I should realize the look doesn't really matter at a Black-Out party. It's the feel. Comfortable and sexy-inspiring for me (i.e. looser clothes with jockstrap/cockring beneath) or something geared towards potential partners, meaning either broken-in soft tight denim, or soft aromatic leather. Needless to say, the favorite cockring is a must, and maybe add one or two more for heft (or sharing). Then again, I can stay home and fall asleep waiting for Best Picture (is Planet of The Apes in the running? - I think that's the only movie I saw all year). Saturday, March 23, 2002
Friday, March 22, 2002
very very pre-occupied with the mourning doves. This is a first - they are both perched on the nest! Thursday, March 21, 2002
 One of my favorite porn topics is the use of pop music in the movies.  Almost always used without permission and without paying any royalties, at least in the early days of porn, but no one was paying much attention, and they got away with it. While looking at a Toby Ross video today, The Last Surfer with Michael Christopher, it's chock-full of 60's pop - Shop Around, Run Around Sue, Wooley Booley, Alley Oop, Where Did Our Love Go, Soldier Boy, I'm Your Puppet, 96 Tears, Love Potion #9 , and more! Of course, some folks don't like their music used for gayporn, as is the case with Miss Connie Francis.
Blogreading this morning, and this post made me laugh. But try it with some music. Seriously, upload this song first, then play it while reading this funny post. Wednesday, March 20, 2002
Been keeping busy the past 48 hours with a friend from out of town. While we've known each other for about 2 years, this was the first time we'd met in person. Was very fun to attach a body to a voice/emailer/instant messenger...... wait, that doesn't sound quite right! I mean, it was good to finally meet, but after spending 2 years of chatting/emailing online, plus numerous packages via snail mail, it was just seeing an old friend, more than meeting someone for the first time, and we got into chatting and hanging out quite comfortably right away. Last night was a great meal (a belated birthday treat for me from him, yeah!) at O G about 2 blocks from here, after having cocktails at the Hudson Hotel where he stayed. We ate way too much, so I wasn't able to really keep up with him drinking, and I could tell by the end of the evening at The Phoenix, he was getting tired, as well. Now with the rainy cool, day, I am pretty much a vegetable, but he promised to come back in the summer, and this time I hope he stays here, and for more than 2 days. That way we can really hang out without feeling the need to do New York-y things (although I swear I really want this saddle that I saw while shopping for a tie for him at the HERMES store on Madison Ave). gosh, just after posting that, I looked at the Hotel website - that sort of music was playing constantly as you walked around the hotel - in the lobby, bathrooms, elevators - you felt like you were on a runway the whole time - we were probably the only people who weren't tall, skinny, and wearing all black! Tuesday, March 19, 2002
Monday, March 18, 2002
Dear Fellow Webmaster: Gosh, I like the sound of that! Of course, it's just a form letter. But it is a funny coincidence, since only last night I was thinking once again that I ought to do a William Higgins page along with the other directors I've listed as my faves. While I haven't really changed my mind about him ( he does go for the younger guys, sometimes the camera angles and close-ups are too, too close and goofy looking, etc), he did make several very good films, one of which I was watching last night - BIG GUNS. So getting this email today inviting me to be a charter member of a "revshare program" was kinda neat. Granted, I imagine thousands of emails got sent out last night to any website that had the word PORN somewhere in it, but it's still something worth considering. I do get plenty of "hits" from folks searching Google for their favorite old porn stars (i.e. had a nice series of emails last night with a gentleman from San Diego looking for pics of Ed Wiley), so maybe I should look and see how bad these banners are that you need to attach to your website, and take it from there. I mean, you'd have to see this scene from BIG GUNS, where Chris Gray finds a handgun in his buddy Johnny Davenport's apartment, the next scene shows them at the shooting range, with Johnny showing Chris how to use a gun. Johnny wraps his arms around Chris, as Chris shoots, and Johnny starts to grope him. After a round of shots, they put down the gun, and start making out. Very unusual for Higgins', in that it's usually the "girlfriend's out of town" or "a mouth's a mouth" kind of interaction preceding the actual sex. And the sex is real good - Chris has a beautiful face, and sculptured body; Davenport has that huge cock, and the best cum shots captured on film, I am not exagerrating!Um, where was I? oh yeah, so the email comes to me asking me to sign up to put a William Higgins banner on my site, and in exchange they'll give me a cut of referrals to their site, which as you may know, Higgins is still around, specializing in Eastern European young guys, often under the name Wim Hof. So, take a look, lemme know what ya think. p.s here are the actual banners.
Sunday, March 17, 2002
Not sure how i got on this cop's gloves email list, but, can I get a discount if I send a bunch of people over to the website? (but the grammar is horrendous - "NOTHING BUY ONLY....GLOVES!!!" ?
Gosh, I'm a total wuss! Some cheesey Lifetime Original Movie has me absofuckinlutely glued to the t.v. Some black guy takes some white lady hostage. He's just shot his girlfriend's new boyfriend, flees, grabs the white lady. She's apparently "emotionally unstable" from years of abuse, suicide attempt, etc. But for some reason, she needs to help this man. He ties her up, he leaves the room. She has a premonition, manages to untie herself and prevents him from killing himself, and attempts to negotiate with the cops for his surrender. When he hands over the rifle to the white lady, in order to surrender, I'm all choked up. OH NO! the cops are rushing in! Saturday, March 16, 2002
chatroom, cont'dBJland [9:55 PM]: well, man, i dont mean to give ya a hard timeBJland [9:56 PM]: thanks for the compliments, I guess I'm just not good at the online hook-up - not that I havent done it HairyNYItalian [9:56 PM]: it's ok. ur spot on about the pics, but i have little alternative HairyNYItalian [9:56 PM]: no worries. i'm josh BJland [9:56 PM]: its not the pics alone, i just mean i cant say YEAH lets do it after ONLY a pic, and little else - BJland [9:56 PM]: esp since you aint exactly around the block HairyNYItalian[9:57 PM]: meet me sometime, then for a drink BJland [9:57 PM]: gee, man, yur really wearing down this NY cynicism I've worked so hard to attain HairyNYItalian [9:58 PM]: it's just a fallacy, the cynicism ;) no worries, we from the northeast are pretty sincere BJland[9:58 PM]: so Josh, you really 25? HairyNYItalian [9:58 PM]: that i am HairyNYItalian [9:58 PM]: why's that? BJland[9:59 PM]: pic looks older, i generally prefer guys closer to my own age, so was suprised when you said its an old pic HairyNYItalian [9:59 PM]: how old r u? BJland [9:59 PM]: 41 HairyNYItalian [10:00 PM]: ah well, see what u think. can't find out less u try.... BJland [10:00 PM]: astoria, eh? so where were you heading tonight? HairyNYItalian [10:01 PM]: into manhattan to have a drink with some friends, then ...??? HairyNYItalian [10:01 PM]: no plans BJland[10:01 PM]: i see BJland [10:02 PM]: what part of town you hang out with with your pals? HairyNYItalian [10:03 PM]: midtown east, but just for a bit. i can come downtown...
He mentions something about pool, and I offer to move us over to watch the guys playing, and soon enough we grab a seat on the bench next to the pool table. Making silly comments about the game, and the players, and the other bar patrons, I was having a nice time. And I got a better look at him. I thought he'd look real handsome in a few years, you know, how maturity seems to add to what you've got - and he had nice lips, dense stubble, easy-going attitude. Ahhhhh. And suddenly he pulled my face to his, and, well. Gosh, I haven't made out in public in a very long time! It wasn't the embarassing tonsil-sucking kind, thank god, but gentle, warm kissing, less than a minute at a time, with sheepish grins in between, more comments about the game, more petting. We didn't refill our drinks after the second round, but still stayed there, clearly attracted to each other, in no hurry. At one point he mentions food, seeing if I'm interested in getting a bite to eat. Gosh, this is too much - he likes to eat in the middle of the night! We leave, and breaking an old habit, I don't offer to ride him on my bike, but we walk slowly. (Although it would've been one of the easiest rides, him being so short and slim). Discussing food, enjoying the warm spring air, laughing, not annoyed by the hoardes of drunk str8 folks, I joke about fleeing into the street as a huge group of them approach. We stop at Odessa, I have potato pancakes, he has some weird curly fries, we share, mmmmmmm. When we get home, he does the "I'm sorry but I'm so sleepy, I hope you don't mind" thing. No problem by me, as he reveals a slim, really fuzzy cute body. Very good cuddling material, indeed. I keep both my boxers and my undershirt on, he completely undresses, and pulls me on top of him. Kissing, grabbing, he makes it clear we ain't going to sleep any time soon. And what a hairy ass! Needless to say, my mustache and his butt became very good friends last night. And afterwards, a very insistant cuddler. Any time I moved to get more comfortable, or to adjust, he adjusted with me, keeping body parts intertwined, leg on butt, arm on head, head cozied up to underarm. Sometime after 10, he asked about the time, said he had to go, and we snuggled some more. He got very frisky, I was still half asleep but enjoyed the attention, not to mention the new dose of stickiness he left all over me. He didn't stay for coffee, and we didn't talk about a next time, but it was really nice to have those 11 hours together. chatroomIt's been awhile since I've done the chatrooms, and after a few minutes of checking profiles of everyone who had the #8 in their screenname (it's exhausting!), I settled in on other internet activities, not paying attention until I heard the sound of someone sending a messageHairyNYItalian [9:35 PM]: hey, what's up? hot profile
It continues, and I'll post if later, but gotta run right now... Friday, March 15, 2002
Last time I complained here about how long it had been since I had sex, I got some that same night (sort of). So, here goes - WAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - I haven't had any sort of sexual contact in over a week - WAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, and I can't really count those incidents because, well, none of those guys saw fit to even touch me "down there". Yeah, really. How's that for ego-deflation? OK. Tuesday, March 5th, a man came over, we watched porno, we got excited, we did the kissy thing (which is good, don't get me wrong) but the sex thing, as fun as it was, since it was our 2nd time, well, um, I thought his interests might take him down to, well, you know, my thick, hard, throbbing man-meat, you know? Granted, I could've spoken up, or just shoved it in his face and or hands, but that's not the point. (gee, man, why don't ya get to the point, already) Desire. It's all about desire; being desired expressing desire, showing desire. A blow job isn't that hard to get (or so I've been told), but to actually feel like someone wants you, wants to put that silly smile on your face, get you all sticky and sweaty, hear you moan those soft, growling, pleading moans that come from your heart, not some porno-movie script. And so, after staying in the next night, I went out Thursday, thinking "grab a beer, who knows, maybe" - Well, I got pretty bored and discouraged after one beer, and reverted to old habits, heading down to Bijou 82, paying my 10 bucks, and I began the pacing. Quickly enough, some hairy beast who I had experienced before was giving me the eye, and I figured, well, we've done it before, and it's not a mutual thing (i.e. I go down on him, he pats my head occasionally, we sweat, maybe he'll cum) - but I thought maybe it could be my "warm up". And that's pretty much what happened, and he didn't cum, but did that self-conscious giggle, which I guess means "gee, I can't cum, but I think we're done". Fine. I'm a grown man, I can handle it. We part, I go lean against something somewhere for a bit, watching the guys stroll by, and the hairy beast comes over. Starts to chat. About nothing. No clear indication of interest, more like passing the time. I don't want to pass the time, I want someone to grab my cock and go "yum, slurp, garble, give me all of it" or some reasonable variation on that. Or even a long, hard kiss. Something that says there is something about me that is desirable, not merely a place to put your dick. Bachelor #2. Again, I should've known better, since this was the "standing in my booth stroking my cock leering at you" routine, but well, I was sort of hypnotized by the damn thing. I went in, feasted for a while, but I never even saw the guy's face, let alone him getting his face near me. Some sort of baseball cap shadowing his entire face, and soon enough I got the self-consious giggle, and the "gee, I can't cum" thing. Okely Dokely Doo! A few moments later, walking down the hall, some guy (handsome, fat long cock, who I've experienced, but never to "completion") grabs me and pulls me into his booth. "Um, you were in that booth awhile, is that guy a top?" Great, now I'm expected to give referances? Needless to say, I wasn't asked to remain in the booth for any sex. Bachelor #3. It's after 2 a.m. by now, I've been here one or two hours, but a guy is giving me the eye, we do the dance for awhile, passing each other slowly, etc. Eventually, I grab a booth, he comes in, and I try the hugging, stroking your body thing. We don't get very far here, I unbutton him, figuring it's getting late, lemme cum and go, so to speak. Meanwhile, he's up there saying something, but low enough that I can't quite hear him. And you can't exaclty tell someone in one of these situations, "excuse me, the acoustics in here really suck, could you direct that dirty talk downward, and a bit louder, please?" He's a bit rough, shoving his whole body into the blowjob, but I've managed to balance it to where I'm still able to breathe (barely) but then I hear him. Or I think I do. I swear he says "faggot". I've been in these situations where guys use the p-word, and it's such a turn off, but usually they grasp that its a turn-off, and stop. But now he's looking straight down at me, and says "Tell me you're a faggot; you like it, don't you?" Ummmm. I let his teeny cock fall out of my mouth (yes, I like size, but I never turn someone down after they open their pants, I figure if I had been turned on before the unveiling, we can still have fun ), I'm thinking "that's MR Faggot to you", but as I stand up, I quickly decide it's not worth it. Sometimes silence is golden. He's not worth my time or energy. I'm standing up, we are face to face, and I start to pull my clothes back on. "What's your name?" he oddly asks. I continue dressing, and he starts to pull up his pants as he says "Don't talk much, eh?" My usually smart-ass mind tells me again it's not worth it. "Nope". I finish dressing, and head out of the booth, figuring he probably has enough "issues" and I just need to get out. So, anyone up for taking me out for a beer tonight?
Gosh, as much time as I spend on the internet, and with the TV on, I seem to be rather clueless about a lot of stuff in pop culture. Like these commercials blaring every 15 minutes on the TV, I kept thinking were for President Evil, totally clueless that there's some movie/game/phenomena called Resident Evil. Thursday, March 14, 2002
Well, it's been over 2 months, and a few hundred people found my page via various search engines to get that "P*anostripper" clip I posted on Jan 8th. Hope they thought it was worth the effort, scrolling down past various porn, bjork, and then my hairy back picture to get to the link. But I've taken it off now, and I didn't want to even use the name and have this post come up in the search engines for it. Meanwhile, I've spent too much time the past 2 weeks looking at Falcon videos with men taking, and putting, various objects up their arses. I can't imagine how Kevin WIlliams can ever be satisfied by a mere cock up his ass with all the crap that gets shoved up there! (sorry, no link to KevinWilliams.com, since it seems to have been absorbed by one of the megasites, BadPuppy). And that Tom Chase, too, too puffy these days; lay off the steroids, and go back to being versatile again - that scene a few years back when Mike Branson fucked him, very nice. Muscles, sure, fine; puffy-steroid-acne-back, no. Wednesday, March 13, 2002
Well, screw the musings on my last night out in search of sex, that will come when it comes. Meanwhile, laundry, and getting my Mom a hotel in Paris is kinda taking priority, so, amuse your self with one of these (and NOT both!):
Cool, rainy day here. Gonna try to write up my thoughts about last Thursday's night out in search of.... well, you know. (How's that for "sorry I'm writing nothing, but please please come back"?) Tuesday, March 12, 2002
Rode over to the West Side yesterday evening, in hopes of catching the first moments of the Tribute of Light (Towers of Light?). I think it was gonna be 88 beams of light, forming two tower-like images, going straight up in the air from lower Manhattan; near, but not from, "ground zero". I got there way too early, but I had my camera, and tried to take a few pictures using the timer and keeping the auto-flash off. I rode out to the end of one of the piers, and there were only a couple people there, some guys fishing, a guy and his dog jumping rope (well, the guy was jumping, the dog....well, you know). So I'm basically out on the water, its rather cold, and there's a great view of downtown, New Jersey, and the Statue of Liberty as the sky is getting darker, and the building lights are getting brighter. The soft sounds of the water lapping against the pier. I'm not sure what I expected to feel once the lights came on; it made me remember many years ago, on World AIDS Day, the first time the Manhattan skyline went dark to commemorate those who had died. It was the same night as the TV special for the first Red Hot and Blue album/video. Me and my then-boyfriend Phil were with another couple, having gone out for dinner, on our way home to watch the TV show. Walking up 2nd ave, hurrying so we could see the skyline from Phil's roof, suddenly the Empire State Building went dark. We paused, all quiet despite the continuation of city/traffic noises, each lost in our own thoughts, our own losses. Soon one of us urged the group to move on for those few more blocks, knowing we could get to the roof in time to see the whole skyline. It was amazing. A simple gesture, a sort of recognition from "them" that this was important, that our continued losses mattered, had to be acknowledged, which wasn't the case so often. Once the skyline slowly re-lit, we all hugged on that December night, and went back inside. This was different, of course. There may not have been this need for some sort of national recognition, but still it seemed like a good idea to me. While it was planned to be a temporary rememberance, the lights were a way of saying, "Never Forget". It seemed like some vague haze was coming from downtown, but nothing like a tower of light, and I was getting much too cold, and impatient. I knew it would be visable for a month, and from most parts of the city, so there was no real need to stay. I began to move from the end of the pier back towards the island, but saw that more people had gathered, and were continuing to come. I decided to stay a little longer, to see what it would look like from this perspective, the first moments. I found a spot to set up my camera, knowing it couldn't be a good picture, that there would be plenty of better ones on news websites, etc, within moments, but I still wanted to make the effort. I had turned around for a moment, and heard "there it is" and saw the lights. Oddly disappointing at first, I robotically snapped two pictures, put the camera away, but leaned back, and began to absorb the view. It took a few minutes to get the idea of "it doesnt look like the World Trade Center to me" out of my head, to seeing it more like a simple gesture, "art" even. From this perspective, perhaps too close to the source, you could see it's odd angle ending way up in the sky, almost like one of those tacky movie premier lights. Too cold to stay put, I slowly moved up, heading north, in the opposite direction from the lights. But seeing more and more people coming, looking into the air, often solitary figures, lost in their own thoughts, just following the beams, I started to get overwhelmed. Odd how this shared horrific experience, 6 months later, was taking this form. This need to see something big and dramatic, yet simple and reassuring, each person with their own individual memory of that day, and the months since, walking towards the lights. I stopped frequently, turned around, or just watched the folks walking down the pathway. Riding back onto the street, and taking a slightly detoured ride home, I still stopped frequently. As I got more into traffic, and the density of the city, still able to see the beams of light above, and seeing other folks stopping while walking down 8th Ave, 7th Ave, etc, it was good to have this rememberance. All those "missing posters" of the fall, the impromptu candle memorials leaning against walls that were all over town months ago and now gone, it was reassuring to see this beam from whereever you were in the city. When I neared home, turning onto my block, I paused at the spot at the laundrymat's wall. This was where there had been several cardboard boxes with hand-scrawled notes and prayers, and a dozen or two candles that somehow stayed lit most of those first few weeks. Now there was only the vaguest outline of spilled candle wax staining the sidewalk, outlining where the boxes had been, that would go unnoticed if you hadn't seen what had made it 6 months ago. I looked up, saw the beautiful bright beam in the sky, mumbled a few words into my scarf, and walked the rest of the way down the street to my home. Monday, March 11, 2002
I know I could turn the t.v. off, and not get this constant feed of rememberances. Some is not well done, too often the new pat phrases like "the day everything changed" which, well, says nothing at all. Clearly, some things changed, and things are still changing, and they have affected us very very differently. The obvious - those in closest proximity, physically and emotionally are affected most. Last night's show, 9/11 was good, which I wouldn't have expected otherwise. I hadn't known the focus of the story beforehand, but once it was on, I remembered the whole coincidence of the French filmmakers who were following a young fireman from his first days on the job. The only real criticism I had of the show was the brief appearance at the onset of Tom Ridgeland, the "Homeland Security" guy - which I felt was really a creepy political move - "we're working on it, folks" which just made me extremely angry about them not working on "it" before 9-11. But I do think people are returning to a healthy cynicism about their government, while retaining that feeling of awe, and appreciation, for the "regular joes", the underpaid cops, firemen, emt folks (is their a shorthand name for them?), etc. I still wonder what it was like to work for the FBI, as an agent, who was stuck several years ago looking into Clinton's sex habits, while so few were put on the case of following up on the WTC truck bombing back in '93, and tracking what those folks might be planning next. How disillusioning is that? Signing up to fight the "bad guys", screwing around with Linda Tripp and that whole crew, while this whole thing was being planned. I really wish one of those agents who were on that detail had the balls to come out in public and say "I can't fucking believe they made me do that bullshit, while I might've been able to help prevent this!" Sunday, March 10, 2002
I only get one, eh? It's certainly a tough choice, but between 2 and 3, with those ears it has to be.....
Last night was fun, a pal convinced me to go out and have a beer at The Phoneix. We met up around 11:30, and by 2 am had 2 beers each, just gabbing, some "light" guy-watching (by which I mean they weren't watching back). Since I hadn't eaten dinner, by around 2 he suggested we grab a bit to eat, and we headed over to Odessa, he had your basic grilled cheese/fries, I had fantastic potato pancakes with sour cream. And we just continued chatting, little bits of info about ourselves, our families. One thing that we died laughing over, which is totally silly, but I had never heard of anyone doing this - he said his father always stirs his cereal! He pours in the milk, then uses the spoon to pull up flakes and milk from the bottom, while turning the bowl with his other hand in regular intervals, to make sure its properly mixed together before he eats it. I don't know why that struck me as so funny, probably just imagining how maddening, yet inconsequential, it would be to grow up watching that. He's a good pal, and several weeks back complained about being lonely, how hard it is to meet that "special someone", etc etc. And, wisely, I didn't offer any suggestions (like I wouldwould know!), but just let him talk. We agreed, and miraculously followed up, on the idea of hanging out more together. Last night, while at the Phoenix, he mentioned getting his Paul McCartney tickets on Monday morning, and then mentioned a few other live shows he'd seen in the past few years - I can't remember any of them, except that they were all equally dreadful. So I looked him straight in the eye and said "so, um, that's the reason we stopped dating, eh?" Thank God he laughed. Saturday, March 09, 2002
 what do
They form the soundtrack to the 1985 porn movie Making It Huge! I got a copy of this about a year ago, and swore it had a b-52's song on it, but was disappointed to not hear it. I could swear I heard that song while Daniel Holt is checking out Jim Bentley, in this movie about a young man from Kansas who goes to an acting school in Hollywood. (It's really hilarious, mostly purposely so, with the Hollywood producer making all these innuendos toward poor, naive Jim Bentley). I never did buy that album, but now that I have just acquired an older copy of the video, with the soundtrack intact, I can see why. Two good songs (Romeo Void and b-52's), and a then several really awful cheesy crappy ones! I must've heard/seen this video dozens of times at the porn theatre on 3rd Avenue and 13th, and always associated Legal Tender with that movie. But at least I now know that I am not insane (er, on this particular issue), and its more proof that these guys never license the music they use, were caught and forced to replace the soundtrack - if you try buying it now, you'll get your standard Casio-synth soundtrack. Friday, March 08, 2002
Let's say you're re-working your website, you can either do the "come back in a few days" simple index page......... OR, if you are supercool, you can do something like the folks at Bjork.com.
I know it's really tacky to have those thoughts about a married man, so I won't embarass myself by saying what those thoughts are. (gulp!)
My head and body ache, I guess I was up late doing the potato chip, ice cream, bad TV movie thing after attempting and failing to do the sex thing. So, with this junk food headache, of course someone is outside with a rusty saw doing god-knows-what. But let me share Jason's favorite (I think that's what he said) pic from our HOT PHOTO SESSION last week while I crawl back into bed.
 Thursday, March 07, 2002
Okay. So how many of you folks clicked on A Friendly Reminder last week, got a broken link, and didn't email and let me know? Hmmmmm?
The photos I got this afternoon looked really good! It feels a bit funny staring at pics of myself (don't laugh), but he did a nice job. But now I am obsessing about trying to get Blogger/FTP stuff to work for me. Given that Geocities is changing again, I want to do a "test" blog to make sure I know how to set one up - it's been almost a year since I did this, and now it involves FTP stuff that is making my head spin. Of course, I was more focused on the writing of the particular post (the mourning doves that are hanging out outside my window), than in the technical aspect of setting up a new blog from scratch (something about the file not existing, or the filepath, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!). But I'll get it. Eventually. I hope. Also doing lots of porn viewing, and although I can be pretty good at quickly going thru and jotting down actors names, setting up the auction pages, sometimes I get caught up in - no, not the sex, I'm getting really really immune to sex on my tv lately - but on the little things that are different. Like this one video I put up for auction earlier today In Thrust We Trust - all black cast, about a politician who is running on one issue - censorship of pornography, because he believes it leads to violence. BUT, he is visited by his fairy godfather ( a guy in really tacky, funny drag) who puts a spell on him, that makes everyone sexually attracted to him. Very silly, but knowingly so, and he has so much sex that it changes his views, and wins election. Last night I was hoping to get out of the house, have some cheap beer, but no one I asked was available and/or interested, so I stayed in. Maybe tonight, but its 3 bucks a pint, rather than $1.00, and I need to watch my money (even though its been over a week since I've been out at all).
It's great to have pals looking out for ya - Phil on Sunday morning with the porno videos, and tOrStEn (no comment from me on the "porno-grazed ramblings") this morning about Bjork on German TV (scroll down and you can watch video). After a stop at the post office in a short while, it's lunch at Benny's with Jason. While not a dedicated SMARTLINE watcher, it's certainly far better than the competition, comic or otherwise. Wednesday, March 06, 2002
 Despite my economic need to ready more auctions, it's so nice out, I think it's better to get some fresh air, relax, ride the bike. Going thru some pics I took of cockrings, this one is a bit disappointing - you can't really see the strap that well - although the reason the snaps are black metal is so that it blends in better with black leather gear and all - I was hoping for something clearer, that would help sell the item. Tuesday, March 05, 2002
 Another distraction last night, I hadn't checked out this site in awhile, except for the excellent links page, but last week I was looking for some pics of Steve Regis, and Google pointed me to GlovdCopSF. I think he used to be hosted on AOL, anyway, lots of stuff to keep you occupied, it's a great website. His own pics are hot (these guys are always 3000 miles away, ain't they?), and the Men I Want to Fuck gallery has lots of porn star pics, and "the Milk Carton" section is great, too!  Has it been a week or more since I've had sex? Crap, with all this porno viewing/buying/selling lately, I can't think. But in the box of stuff I bought on Sunday, was a video from my Wish List, Dude, or it's proper French title, Le Beau Mec. I only skimmed thru it last night, but two things stick out about why I have fond memories about it. The story of a former hustler in Paris, Karl Forest narrates, talking about himself, why he's in Paris, etc. Both the original French, and an overdubbed translation are heard - I don't know why that works for me, perhaps because it played so often in the porn theatres years back, this soundtrack as I wandered the halls, "buddy booths", and glory holes of the Bijou back in Chicago, as well as the Bijou here in NYC. The other part, which is funny since I am not a smoker, is that this guy smokes during practically the whole film! Lots of shots of him doing everyday things, watching tv, sitting in a cafe, working out, and he seems to have a cigarette in every shot! The best of course is while he's getting blown by an older guy, no doubt a "john" and while his cock is quite involved, he just rests his head back, smokes cigarette after cigarette, until the guy finishes up. It's an early 80's movie, shot on film, and the guy has a very nice body, which the camera likes to linger over. And it has funny parts, too, like his fantasy sequence, dressed as a cop, a mob-guy, a soldier, having sex across some cheesey school desk in all three brief scenarios. It doesn't look like he's made any other films, or at least none that were made available here in the States. Nice addition to the ever-growing porn collection. Monday, March 04, 2002
this and thatMet with Jason (the photographer) and he showed me the contact sheets - really nice stuff! Naw, I don't mean me, per se, but that he did a great job, some really nice pics, and he said he can make me a few prints by later in the week, and we'll have lunch. (I also got a quick glimpse of another model's hairy torso pic - SLURP!!) He seemed pretty happy with them, too, which, of course, is good. I only wish I had some friends, acquaintances, who could use his talent - he's got a great eye, and is fun and relaxing to work with (granted, I was in my own home and all, but still). And despite me signing away all my rights, he said it's cool if I decide to reproduce a pic or two for my website. He giggled when I got to the pic where my balls are slightly peaking out of my boxers, but I didn't pick that one for printing (like I don't have enough pics of my own balls!).Spending a good part of the day readying some more porn videos for auction, and got a couple more wrestling/fight themed ones. Then I found that one of the producers of the videos, BG Enterprise, has a couple brief previews on their webpage - so give it a look. Over the weekend, got several nice emails about the blog, or the porn pages, which is always cool - but a couple of the guys who I wrote back, their email wasn't working (one AOL account blocked me, another, .edu address, wasn't working, oh well) - so, sorry fellas, but I tried! And the bump on my head is still a bit sore, but the swelling is down. I discovered 2 scratches on my shoulder, good god - I really need to calm down when someone says "bargain porn"!
Slow morning, but it's Monday. Enjoying coffee, and a morning dove appears to be building a nest on/near my air conditioner. It's actually kinda sweet, the morning sun coming into the apartment, sitting with my coffee by the window, as the bird brings tiny twigs in its mouth up to this spot she (he?)'s picked out. I can't really see the nest, but it's next to the air conditioner, on a platform I had the super make to hold it, so, the good news is that it's outiside the livingroom window, so early morning bird noises won't bother my sleep. And a link to a link to a link got me to MonkeyRadio, some sort of streaming trip hop. Nice way to begin the day. Sunday, March 03, 2002
  I was up around 7:30 this morning, it had rained hard most of the night, I made some coffee, and figured I'd spend a good chunk of the day looking over these porn videos I picked up on Saturday. But about an hour went by, and I was sleepy, and the air was heavy, no longer raining, but humid, so I crawled back into bed. Don't remember any dreams, but half-woke a couple times to find a rather hefty hard-on in my boxers, falling back to sleep, wondering what may have inspired it. I vaguely hear the phone ringing in the next room, but stay in bed, letting the machine pick up. "I'm at the flea market, there's a box of old videos here, you really should check it out, I'm gonna keep talking til you pick up" as I run in and grab the phone. It's my pal Phil, apparently there's some used porn videos, looks like some decent titles, and he agrees to check them out, call back with some titles, and he'll pick me up a few. I reheat some coffee, sit here, and the phone rings again within minutes. "A Matter of Size, some tickling stuff, Making It Huge...." So I interject "you think I should check them out?" "YES! and hurry!" I hit my head on the closet door trying to get dressed and out quickly (hence the gash on my forehead), and 22 minutes later, I've made it across town in a cab. He greets me at the corner, rushes me right to the spot with the sign "MALE VIDEOS" and I kneel down instinctively, sorting. After I've set aside about 12, I look for the dealer who comes over, agreeing to some sort of deal if I take a bunch. Several Falcons, Jock, Bob Jones, a couple of P.M. Productions, and a lot of duped compilation tapes (some good titles, but I only want originals) After I've stacked more than 20, there's another guy going thru the boxes I've finished with. He reaches over and begins to handle one of the videos I've set aside. "HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS - er, um, ah uh uh!" I tsk and try to laugh it off as he releases his hold on the tape. He laughs nervously, and walks away. A loan from Phil, my knapsack full, plus a small plastic bag, Leo and Lance, Pizza Boy, Le Beau Mac, L.A. Boot Bottom, and a bunch more are on their way to their new lower east side home.
Saturday, March 02, 2002
 today, got out of the house enough to get the basic errands done: post office (shipping porn), non-profit thrift shopping (buy used porn), grocery store (damn! - no porn!)...now, on to cleaning house, having 2 pals over for pizza, beer, low-key fun. My usual Saturday night is by myself ordering pizza and terrorizing the AOL chatrooms, so this will be a welcome break from that. Otherwise, time to crank PRINCE's TRC - The Rainbow Children album - some of these tunes KICK ASS! BUT (damn, there's always a but!) - I really really have a problem with the last 15 seconds of Family Name - musically, the song is quite amazing, but throwing in that MLK snippet really doesn't work. It devalues the speech it comes from, and it's a feeble attempt at adding some meaning to the song - which should come from the song, not from using a classic American speech. Friday, March 01, 2002
 ".......In The William Higgins Tradition." bjork news
If you're a fan, you should keep your eyes on this site - bjork.etoile-polaire - for all sorts of cool Bjork stuff. Last night I found a downloadable Bjork interview video (it's actually pretty funny), info about the Coachella Festival 2002 (where is that, california?), Bj�rk on Music:Response Radio Show (a 25 minute mp3, live in-studio versions of Cocoon, Pagan Poetry, and Unravel - simply beautiful!), plus animated gifs, other videos, and tons more. this AOL chatroom profile bummed me out:
Here I was, getting ready to post that bloggerbutt pic for my contest; but I'm just not in the mood. Maybe next week. |
