bj's gay porno-crazed ramblings

Thursday, July 31, 2003
Have I mentioned I've been reading books lately? Last night I finished reading Michael Bronski's "Culture Clash: The Making of Gay Sensibility" - what a great book! I was concerned that being 20 years old, it could be outdated, outmoded, or just plain uninteresting. But I can't tell you how many times in the past few days I've been nodding "uh huh, yup!" while racing through this book. The "blurb" on the back cover gives you a general idea of what it's about - "Culture Clash explores the dynamics of gay liberation and homophobia, of change and backlash, and reveals the radicalism of the challenge that gay men and lesbians, as cultural adventurers, have offered to American society." - but for someone like myself, who hasn't really explored the history of gay/queer art, let alone given a lot of thought to its importance, it's a great read. (And it's also reminded me I need to find that Oscar Wilde paperback I bought a few weeks back)

I've certainly seen his name around for years, linked to his excellent article on the Mathew Limon case - The Other Matthew, even sent some friends his fascinating article regarding the Harry Potter phenomenon - What Is It About Harry? - that explores the evangelical right's problems with the series, as well as the appeal of the books to both children and adults.

Anyhoo.... while excerpts can't really give you a feel for a book, I did find this passage near the end of Culture Clash to be very thought-provoking:

"Perhaps the cheapest charge leveled against gay liberation and the gay community in general is that of decadence. The decadence charge is usually leveled by people who refuse to see the issue of sexuality as important. (Sex is a private, bedroom activity, and nothing to shout about in the streets.) It is also proferred by those who think gay people, especially gay men, are irresponsible and immature, since mature sexuality requires procreation and support of the economic structures of heterosexual family life.
The root of this stereotype is located in the fact that our culture is extremely production-oriented. Effort (usually called work) must produce results. Art does not exist in and of itself, but to produce some (usually moral) effect. Sex does not exist for pleasure, but to produce children. The production model affects all aspects of our lives. Its source can be found in religiion, capitalism, family structure, and established gender roles. Because gay men have aspired to material comfort and emotional acceptance and have used upward mobility as a strategy for escaping oppression, they have becaome associated with the upper class in people's minds. Gay men are seen as idle, uproductive dabblers. This stereotype is further complicated by the fact that in the past 20 years the commercialization of the 'gay lifestyle' has projected this very image. The popular stereotype of the urban gay man and the 'Advocate lifestyle' are identical. The difference is that the stereotype supposedly applies to all gay people, but the truth is that only a small percentage of gay men actually conform to it."

See, this all speaks to my own little worldview - the odd way that I interpret Marxism: the need for capitalism to succeed in making the means of production effecient enough so that each person only has to work a small portion of his day, freeing him to pursue his real interests in his "leisure time." (How funny that 'leisure' sounds so much more acceptable/respectable than 'pleasure'.) And, of course, the individual must be free to decide what that is - reading, fucking, whale-watching; perhaps, if lucky enough, all of that. I have another book of his books, Pulp Friction, in my small stack of "to-read" books. But having finished this one, I am most anxious to acquire a copy of his more recent The Pleasure Principle - a book I remember vaguely when it came out, but dismissed. I misunderstood what the book would be about; I had ASSumed it would be denigrating the idea of pleasure, not articulating an argument for its pursuit. (Well, it's much more than that, as I hope to find out). I have to keep my eye open for more stuff from this writer.




Wednesday, July 30, 2003
those krazy katholics!
Vatican Denounces Gay Marriage - um, wouldn't it like solve a bazillion of their problems if they just let the priests marry the alter boys?





oh jeez! I almost forgot to mention these Super 8mm 70's/80's gay porno films on eBay. I've bought from this guy, and have always been happy. He was even nice enough to remind me that I've bought these patricular titles from him already, so that I don't make a mistake and get dupes. Check 'em out.




Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Summer Sun

another day, come and gone
don't think i can ever sing that song
little secrets we bring along
i'm taking my time, trailing behind, i thought of you
today is the day i think of you

I bought this album for a pal a few weeks back, mostly because I needed a small gift in a hurry, and he had taken me to see this band last year, and we both enjoyed it. On my way to taking him out to his birthday dinner, I liked the album cover and title - "Summer Sun", so I bought it and wrapped it up. About a week or two later, he emails me that he's been listening to it, and it's quite good. Of course, I have to download a few songs to see if I agree. After the third song, I stopped. Yes, very good. Too good to go track by track. Good enough to buy, and enjoy as an entire album; not just a few tracks with the little blips and beeps that come from file-"sharing". I've been listening to it nearly every day since then, sometimes a few times a day. Just beautiful. I know I'm very late on the YO LA TENGO bandwagon, and perhaps these last two mellower albums have made them a bit passe', I don't know (or care). And then there was the dilemna of blogging about it and picking one song to post - not really possible, as each song screamed out "pick me! I'm a great song!" But I would say, if you like the tune I picked, you'll love the entire album.




Monday, July 28, 2003
Sabiazoth [3:20 PM]: You look hot. I love men like you. You're so rauncy. :)
Bjland [3:20 PM]: huh?
Bjland [3:20 PM]: rauncy?
Sabiazoth [3:20 PM]: I meant 'Raunchy.'

Ya know, I was hoping the recently buzzed head and longish beard might give me the Daddy look. I mean, 40-something and bald, the options are a bit limited. (And it did seem to work Friday night with the 26-year-old cockguzzler at this sexclub) But it makes me look raunchy? I don't think I'm ready for that.




I have taken great care not to get "excited" while taking the pic, so I hope my Ebay swimsuit auction is bland enough to pass official muster.



Sunday, July 27, 2003
I gotta say, the murder of Councilman James Davis by Othniel Askew has grabbed my attention much more than most local stories. At first it was the sadness over a violent death of someone who was known to fight against violence. Then the odd circumstances: his killer being a gay man who claimed only earlier that day to the FBI that the councilman had 1) offered him money to stay out of the city council race and 2) threatened to "out" him. And then the mysterious documents in Askew's possession - one letter looking like it was from Davis thanking Askew for his sacrifice in not running (unsigned, so why in Askew's possesion?); the other, a type of contract saying Askew will be Davis's fundraiser and aide. Hmmmmm.

What troubles me isn't the odd idea from Askew that he would be blackmailed - it simply doesn't make sense that Davis would feel threatened by an unknown running against him - but the idea that Askew could be "outed" - there is no indication that he was in fact "in" (the closet, that is) so its seems like a nonsensical threat. Meanwhile, the newspapers seem to be dancing around wondering what their real relationship was - very veiled things like Davis was 41 and single (one paper notes he is handsome), Davis was 31 and single and handsome; they've had private meetings in Davis's office, as well as at least one meeting in Fort Greene Park. Um, how do I say this delicately? Fort Greene Park, at night anyway, is a known cruising spot. Of course, it is a nice park with a cool view of Manhattan, and by day and night, many folks go there (and both men live in the area) so that's not unusual for them to meet there. But doesn't it make more sense that Davis was the one being blackmailed? Davis is the one who had something to lose (his job, his reputation) whereas Askew did not. And the unsigned documents in Askew's possession? Perhaps Askew's attempt at blackmailing wasn't working, Davis was trying to appease/delay him without giving in to him, and refused to sign the documents; this angered Askew to the point that he pulled out the gun and shot.

I realize I watch a lot of Law & Order, but anyone investigating this must have thought of this scenario.




Saturday, July 26, 2003
ok. got it to work




I am just staring at the html code for this pic, and can't for the life of me figure out why its not showing up. grrrrrrrr.




Friday, July 25, 2003

Justice Delayed is Justice Denied

It was 4 weeks ago today that the Supreme Court vacated the 17-year sentence imposed in 2000 on Matthew Limon. Today, Wichita Kansas radio station KMUW aired an interesting 6-minute report - Kansas Attorney General Phill Kline Speaks on Limon Case - where the Attorney General advocates that the Kansas Legislature amend its criminal code to be sexual-preference neutral. It's an interesting interview with him on how he believes Lawrence v. Texas will affect the Limon case, as well as gay marriage. Sadly, the piece ends on this note:

"... briefs in the case will probably be filed this fall, and it will likely be September or October before the Court will be able to act on the case of Matthew Limon." (emphasis added)

Meanwhile, Limon is still in jail, having served over 2 years of his 17-year sentence (remember, if it was "str8 sex", the sentence would've at most 15 months).




So..... I haven't paid much attention to the story regarding the NY City councilmember killing since it happened Wednesday afternoon, until this morning. It's getting weirder, and the papers sure are seeing it differently. One of the local papers, Gay City News has this headline today: "Closets Kill: Gay Life Brimming With Promise Derails Violently" - detailing that the killer was gay, the victim knew this fact, and had "advised" the soon-to-be-killer that it would be bad for his political career to let this out (pardon the pun). Meanwhile, the ever-sensational N Y Post prefers this headline: " HIV ASSASSIN WAS FUELED BY FEAR OF 'GAY' BLACKMAIL" - detailing the suspicions/rumors that the councilman may have been blackmailing his assailant to keep him from running against him - but, um, what-the-fuck with this headline??? Doesn't it imply that the guy's HIV status had something to do with the murder, or actually with the method of killing??? I hate the Post so much, the mutherfuckers. And of course, the newspaper of record, "Combustible Mix Behind City Hall Shooting".




Thursday, July 24, 2003






Back to sex, etc. Did I mention that last Sunday someone seems to have chewed off the label on my favorite jockstrap? And, while working Monday night, I saw the guy who's butt my beard got well-aquainted with the previous evening sitting at a table chatting it up with another fuzzy, beefy guy. I didn't have the balls to go over and say hi, I just drooled from over in the corner. Speaking of men and sexplaces, I haven't heard from my 2-date man. Oh well. I know, I know, I could call him. But we left it at he'll call me if he's in town for the weekend, so I kinda think this means it's his turn. Stoopid, I know; if I want to see his handsome French face, I should call his dreaded cellphone and suggest something, and let the phone-tag begin. But I have that I want to see him but I have doubts about seeing him longterm and so why bother problem. ugh.

Last night, when I got home from work, the answering machine was blinking at me. Of course, I waited til I got all settled in and comfortable, hoping it would be from him, but alas, it was some indecipherable message about doing some sort of work; being disappointed, I let the machine erase it. Good manners would mean I should try to contact the person and at least say "no thanks" but the mood for good manners isn't in me today.




Wednesday, July 23, 2003

This is just awful.

The story is still unfolding, but the man who got Toys "R" Us to stop selling look-alike toy guns, and eventually convinced MTV to stop showing gun violence on their network, has been shot down, and killed at City Hall this afternoon.




Boo-hoo. I've had my pair of tickets to the upcoming Bjork concert (Fri., Aug 22nd) for 3 months now, and still haven't managed to find a date to accompany me! But seeing who has recently signed on to complete the line-up is certainly good news.






Tuesday, July 22, 2003
Have I mentionied the links in the upper right hand corner? [elsewhere] - use the arrow thingee to scrolldown and visit these folks (often). Meanwhile, crank the speakers.

TheRevolutionWillNotBeTelevised
WhiteMan'sGotAGodComplex




Monday, July 21, 2003
All I want is to breathe, Won't you breathe with me

Got the sex part of the evening out of the way before midnight (sexclub - nothing to write home about), giving me the opportunity to focus on music, smoking a bit of dope, more music, and of course junkfood (and more music).

I must've been looking through GoogleNews, and some article in the NYT grabbed my attention, which then pointed me to a Times article (How Fela Landed Me in Jail), but more importantly, that page points to special on Fela - FINDING FELA - Reflections On Africa's Music Legend (you have to scroll down the "Jail" page to find link) which is quite fantastic. And of course it pointed me to the New Museum's site, and it's current exhibit - Black President: The Art and Legacy of Fela Anikulapo-Kuti (the place is so friggin' close to me, I really ought to go this week); and this is what got me going for hours - their Fela Project Music Program page.

"This selection of music represents a timeline from the 1950s to the present, a context for the cultural and political environment in which Fela's Afrobeat was created and developed. It contains the synergistic music of the eras during which Fela composed and the musical realms in which his legacy has been disseminated. Starting with West African highlife music as his base, Fela synthesized the funky soul of James Brown and the compositional complexity of American and Afro-Cuban jazz with Yoruba percussion and call-and-response singing to form a new genre he called Afrobeat. Today his music and aura have been carried into new directions within contemporary Afrobeat, rock, hip-hop, soul, afro-house, and electronic dance music."

I will no doubt be spending weeks trying to assemble the music listed on this page. Some of it I've heard, only a few tunes/albums do I possess (but then I went to HALF.com and nabbed a few bargains late late last night), and just a couple I've had the pleasure of seeing live - (Talking Heads of course, but also Hugh Masekela and Gil Scott-Heron).

And I still have an exta copy of RED HOT + RIOT, which I was hoping to figure out some sort of clever give-away, but haven't been feeling very clever lately (let me put that on the "to do" list - not getting clever, but the give-away). And e-gads! it's nearly 3pm and I haven't left this apartment yet today - time for some errands, and a shower sometime before my 6pm worshift.




Sunday, July 20, 2003


Lazy. Sleepy. and late for work. Saturday night was the usual - junk food, C-SPAN and other assorted tv; plus the dreaded effect of having had 2 dates with the same man - wondering why I am alone on a Saturday night. Totally expected, but haven't had to deal with that in awhile. I think he's out of town, as we spoke on Thursday and he said he had a chance to go to Delaware for camping, or rafting, or something vaguely butch like that.





Saturday, July 19, 2003






Friday, July 18, 2003
must..... get.... out.... of apartment.... NOW!

UNCUTONLY4U [2:25 PM]: are u pnp NOW?
UNCUTONLY4U [2:27 PM]: are u
Bjland [2:29 PM]: hello to you, too
UNCUTONLY4U [2:29 PM]: how are u today?
Bjland [2:29 PM]: doing alright, and you?
UNCUTONLY4U [2:30 PM]: looking for some pnp this afternoon, VERY lightly
Bjland [2:30 PM]: ok, good luck
UNCUTONLY4U [2:30 PM]: u 2

Which brings me to a topic I've been wondering about lately. I've been wondering about the drug GHB - but not the scarey "don't do it" stuff, but more from the perspective of folks who use it, or who used to use it. I'm not into the whole "pnp" scene, which means I don't have much contact with folks who enjoy this drug. So any info/input would be appreciated (and no, i'm not planning on doing the stuff, just want to know more about it - and no, I won't be printing emails that folks send, so not to worry).




I suppose if it were in town, I'd venture over to the Directors Summit tonight, but alas, I don't have the energy for a daytrip to Philly. However, I must say that Steven Scarborough looks mighty tasty; maybe I could get a job with him if he ever does Acres of Ass III.



Thursday, July 17, 2003
BOYS OF VENICE

director: William Higgins (1979)
Starring: Eric Ryan, Kip Noll, Emanuelle Bravos, Clay Russell, Butch McAllister, Derrick Stanton, Johnny Stone, Jimmy Young, Scott Taylor, and Darla Lee (non-sex role).

Higgins is not one of my favorite directors, (his too-close close-ups annoy me) but I love this film. Of course the Munich Machine's disco version of Whiter Shade of Pale is a highlight, but I also love all the establishing shots of people on the beach, the rollerskaters, the groups of old ladies waving at the camera, Darla Lee in her Joan Collins outfit, discovering her husband with Eric Ryan (still clothed, but once she calls him a homo and leaves, it puts the idea into their head), the bathroom stand-up fuck with Ryan and Derick Stanton where they both have their skates still on - all these little touches. This clip, however, is just Scott Taylor having a bit of fun with his huge schlong. (Anyone who feels he can fill Scott's, er, shoes, for a remake of this scene, email me NOW!) You can see why Al Parker used him in several of his movies ( Flashbacks, Turned On! and Strange Places, Strange Things)- always solo, as far as I remember.
And yes, I am selling a VHS copy of the movie on eBay.




Wednesday, July 16, 2003
they've just been waiting in a mountain for the right moment

Those few hours after work Monday night, and before falling into a comfortable sleep gave me that time where one reviews the past day, the sleeping, the laughing, the kissing, and the rest that happened in the previous 24 hours. The comfort of sleeping alone comes best after the comfort of sleeping against a warm, affectionate body. He wasn't too keen on me taking facepics, but I managed a few body ones, then he grabbed the camera and took a couple of me. I knew the first night we met that it wouldn't be a longterm thing, but somehow that feeling was reassuring rather than off-putting. Somehow it's allowed me to relax, and enjoy whatever comes. We seemed to have surprised ourselves that night - me being comfortable enough to explore new things, him being comfortable enough to be so open and affectionate with a guy in an anonymous setting. Hence the phonecall from him a few days later, and my giddiness at hearing him say he kept thinking about me since that night we met. When I left Monday afternoon, having thoroughly enjoyed the time we spent together, and he gave me 3 or 4 kisses at the 190th St. subway stop, he made me promise to call him soon. I tried to do the "wait a few days thing", but when I got home last night, there was a message from him already, only 24 hours later. I called back, but it was too late, well after midnight, and got his machine.

I don't know when I'll see him again, our works schedules are very different - we don't have a single day off in common, and we live at opposite ends of this island. But I am enjoying the moments when my mind drifts to the little things, and I get that tiny smile, thinking of his silliness, the gentleness of his mouth on mine, those 22 hairs at the small of his back that I enjoy licking.




Tuesday, July 15, 2003
Gosh, these new shelves have helped me see just how much porno i need to SELL. I've listed a couple more items today on eBay; but alas, another video that I thought I would sell, Peter De Rome's Adam and Yves - the all-black Men's room orgy scene, complete with "Honey Man", a song co-written by de Rome himself, as the soundtrack.




"I have a belief that marriage is for the purpose of procreation and it's between men and women." - Sen. John F. Kerry, presidential candidate, Washington Post, July 11, 2003.

And how many children has he and his current (2nd) wife had since their marriage in 1995? (hint: it's less than one) Now, I'm not suggesting that he and his wife go have children - that's none of my business what they do; but certainly in the 8 years they've been married, he's seen something other than procreation as the reason for their marriage, no? Perhaps he even gave that some thought before they got married. But as the audio part of the interview indicates, he seems to think that everything that a marriage means shuold be afforded gay couples, as long as they don't call it "marriage" - what's with that, then? Some sort of shrewd political thinking (I'll lose more advocating gay marriage than I could possibly win), or is it that other thing he says about marriage - "I've been willing to take my lumps on everything that I think enhances people's rights and gives people equality, but I think there is something special about the institution of marriage" - and the "special" part is that only sex-discordant couples should enjoy it's rights and responsibilities? I can just see him in bed with his wife, cuddling up, snuggling close to her ear and saying in his silliest babytalk voice: "Dis is just so special, I don't want anyone else to have it, snookums."




Monday, July 14, 2003
Our feet dangling off the edge, the sounds from Tubby Hooks to the north, the lights from the George Washington Bridge to the south, and the Hudson River below wide and across to the shores of New Jersey, he asked if I had knew what time it was. "No, I don't wear a watch" "Me neither, " he replied. Then I reminded him he had the day off Monday, and I didn't have to work til 6pm, so we laughed. I kissed him lightly in the dark, and fed him a small scoop of ice cream. Earlier we had eaten our dinner on a bench looking out at the Harlem River, something I had never seen before. We started off the evening up on his rooftop, him pointing things out in various directions as the sky got dimmer, and the sun was only visible from the colorful reflections against the clouds. We finally went downstairs, poked our heads into a Dominican all-you-can-eat place, and rushed out as he saw I couldn't find any of the pans containing non-meat dishes. But after teasing me a bit, we went back in, I looked more closely, and we filled up two to-go pans, and took a slow walk through the neighborhood, then into the park. CrazyFrenchMan talks non-stop, but in this joyous isn't-everything-interesting manner that is very infectious. At one point, a small child ran past us, no more than 3, and then his slightly older sister approached, running slower, and he egged her on. "C'mon, get a move on! Catch up; you can do it!" The kids giggled, I giggled, and he grabbed my shoulder and we kept on our way.

So later, after leaving that park in search of ice cream, standing in the Bodega, some women were giggling and dancing as they tried to pass us to get to the counter. Of course our butts collided, they laughed uproariously and CrazyFrenchMan and I looked at each other and laughed along with them. By the time I paid for the pint, one woman was dancing with him, and as I tried to pass, she grabbed me and we did a few steps, the whole Bodega clapping and laughing. We escaped onto the sidewalk, and again his arm across my shoulder as he led me past the teens rolling joints, towards the sounds of Tubby Hooks, some sort of club on the water. Once there, we headed south and he pushed me through an opening in the fence, and we walked about 20 yards on some path just behind what must have been a small harbour, as I could see silhouettes of boats. Then he found a spot, and we climbed onto some wood planks at the water's edge, and had some time away from it all, just the two of us, hearing the sounds off in the distance, leaning against each other, the occasionaly kiss, and the constant light touching of each other's warm bodies as we worked on the pint of ice cream.




Sunday, July 13, 2003
Now, why would I be nervous about my first second date in over a year? In fact, it's the first planned-ahead sleepover I've had in even longer - how'd that happen? Does he snore, do I snore, does his cat snore???? No turning back, we spoke a short while ago, I said I'd be showered and heading out the door no later than 7, and would call him when I got into his neighborhood (I think we need to buy dinner). Ohmygod! What if he doesn't like the Simpsons? This is a real date, ain't it?



Have any of you folks been using Link To C2IT, the CITIBANK online payment service? I'm using it for my auctions now, but have only just started, so don't yet have any experience except for transferring some money into the account from my bank (which was quite easy). Meanwhile, I am barely awake, and my body still aches from Friday. No, not the date (hehe); but I was helping some guy move some boxes and shit (including some nice shelving units into my apt, which are now filled with the porno that had been piling up on the floor), and I guess I'm not in such great shape. Although, apparently, in decent enough shape that when I invited myself to FrenchBoy's uptown apartment for this evening, he seemed pleased. So I should be getting a phonecall from him later instructing me how to travel above 14th st, and what sorts of provisions I might need to make it a safe journey. And yes, that's him above.



Saturday, July 12, 2003
Meeting someone for the first time at a sex club, any sort of subsequent date rarely goes well. Suddenly you have to have things to say, you worry about your grooming, your face framed by ridiculously crooked glasses, not to mention the "I don't really do that stuff, it was just a fluke me being in that sling" concern that you won't really measure up sexually-speaking. But meeting him at Union Square, both of us smiling widely as we gave the light hello-kiss, the walk to the restaurant was filled with silly playfulness. Catching each other looking at discarded furniture in the trash, me teasing about how the restaurant wasn't where he said it was, then him teasing me about not knowing my own neighborhood, and noticing what a handsome face he has. Solid, expressive, and eyes that could keep my attention for many years. Dinner was good - tasty, relaxed, and then we slowly walked toward my home. We hadn't discussed going there, and we both work in the morning, but it was a good night for a walk, and when we got to Avenue C, he was very nostalgic about when he lived down here, and couldn't believe how much it had changed, all the bars and restaurants (actually, at one point he exclaimed, rather loudly, "where did all these white people come from? Who are all you white people?" - until I reminded him of his whiteness, and we fell into a laughing hug).

He giggled over the jockstraps hung on the doorknob, he enjoyed the music I played, and our bodies seem to click even better than I had remembered from last Friday night. Great face to kiss (not that it's the only place I kissed), cuddliest body, and the sweetest sounds we caused each other to purr and moan; when he had to go ("you know, there's room for one more in the cab") it took a long time for him to leave - but it wasn't sad, as we both acknowledged that we'd see each other soon. He lives way way above 14th st., a fact we've laughed about because of my "downtown only" rule, and I look forward to taking that A train way way uptown very soon.




Friday, July 11, 2003
date?
A cell phone, my bad hearing, and his French accent, somehow we are making plans to meet soon for dinner. He's going to Home Depot for doorknobs, then suggested coming to my neighborhood. And he thought Vietnamese food would be good (he assures me it's cheap, but still good). Woo-hoo! I think this is a date, no?






Thursday, July 10, 2003
I think this is the first time I've had a guest from one of the former Soviet Republics. The sexclub outing didn't pan out as planned (guess what that means?) - so I left there at about 2:45 for some beer and bad music at The Cock (the 3 men remaining at the sexclub had each expressed interest in getting f*cked, but couldn't comprehend that it wasn't my thing - godonlyknows what the 3 bottomboys did after I left). After grabbing my 2nd beer, I noticed some shaved-headed (headed?) man looking in my direction several times, and after I smiled, he came over, leaned in to order a beer, and within minutes was testing out the waters (he managed to do a thorough inventory of what I had - jockstrap, cockring, balls, and, well, you get the idea, he was in there). It wasn't until another man, watching us, had bought me a beer (he said we looked so obviously in love, he wanted to toast us!), that I noticed how inebriated my new man was. Some good kissing, some silly unbuckling and rebuckling of my belt (thank god that bar is so dark!), and I had the chance to feel that he was really really happy to meet me. At one point, he darted out of the bar, and silly ol' me, I followed.

Have you ever tried riding a really drunk guy home on your bike? He could not keep his balance, but miraculously we got home ok. I was hoping for sleep, he had other ideas. After fumbling around for about an hour, he finally gave up and let us fall asleep. This morning, of course he was at it again, and somehow, despite my headache, bodyaches, and concerns about my breath, we finished what we had started a few hours earlier. Exactly 2 minutes after handing him the clean-up towel, he was dressed, saying "thanks" and headed for the door. So much for international relations. Now I must get some rest.




Wednesday, July 09, 2003


hmmmm. frenchbikes. single released same day FrenchSlingBoy has me on his mind and calls.
hmmmm.




dating
It's not that I haven't been trying. Last week's Wednesday night yielded a handsome young man in my bed by the time the night was over. Stopping off at The Cock on my way home from The Eagle, I saw a cutish slim guy, our eyes met, we chatted, and soon he said he had to leave. Then he seemed bewildered when I said goodbye, and stroked his chin again. Ahhh, he meant we should leave together. He (let's call him TATU - see Thursday post last week) was even handsomer in non-club light, and was fun and talkative. He slept late, and when he left sometime after 3pm, he left his phone number. Some years back I realized the 5-8 day rule for calling back doesn't apply after 35 (the idea being that you don't want to seem too anxious, or too aloof), and so I called on Saturday night. This being 2 or 3 days (2 from getting the number, 3 from actually meeting), but I just got his answering machine. Of course, Tatu's not yet 30, so perhaps he still goes by the other rule (waiting) and I called too soon, or he has to wait the 5-8 days that men under 35 go by (meaning I won't hear from him til sometime between Thursday to Sunday, if at all). Ugh.

Meanwhile, while at work yesterday, I get a phonecall. I never give out my work number, and even my closest friends never call me there. As we used to have another guy on the take-out side with my name, I asked for a last name form this caller with an accent, and he said he didn't know, but he was looking for the guy with the beard. OH. Ohhhhhh! Rather flusterred when the French accent finally seemed familiar, with 2 other incoming phonecalls and 2 live hungry customers standing in front of me, I put him on hold. Dealing with all the other folks quickly (efficiently, yet politely) I picked up the phone, he was still waitiing, and asked if I remembered him. Yes, yes. (Let's call him FrenchSlingBoy - see July 6 post - he is 3 or 4 of those "lessons") Apparently FrenchSlingBoy remembered from our conversations that night (last Friday) where I worked, and said that he'd been thinking about me and wanted to call. I told him it's really hard to talk, but if he could call back after 10:30, that would be cool. To make a long story short, he did call back, we spoke for a little while, and he gave me his number, making me promise to call when I got home - but not before asking if I wanted to hop on a train and go to Washington Heights to see him. (My answer, "is that above 14th st?", at least made him laugh when I said no). Later, we spoke at length, and I kinda let it into the conversation that a good deal of what we did that night is not on my regular menu, but nonetheless quite enjoyable, and I loved his kissing and affection. He confessed that he rarely gets so intimate in such a setting - the kissing and affection, but that I somehow got to him, hence the phonecall at work. We kinda left it up in the air whether we will get together again, but we talked about bike riding, his upcoming birthday Saturday, made sure we had each other's phone numbers, and I mentioned my plans to go to The Eagle tonight for PORK. He laughed, partly because it is above 14th St., and partly becasue I had seemed to me distancing myself from the "heavier" stuff - and yet was going there. I expalined that it is the music primarily, and the chance to get away from the regular neighborhood crowd, not to mention ogling over men who are in my age range. It would be nice if he takes the hint and shows up tonight, but I've learned a long time ago something about not holding my breath (breathing is kinda important).

I do have doubts about any sort of involvement with him, but of course, we haven't had so much as a real date, so it's a bit premature to worry about that. He did turn me on in surprising ways, and while that "magic" might not be re-created a second time, it is even more true that not finding out would be a mistake.




Tuesday, July 08, 2003
Just because you're paranoid............
Finally back in the eBay auction business, and guess what? Took them less than 5 hours from posting a Drummer magazine to ending that auction as a violation. Which has to mean I am either on a "watch" list of theirs, or someone who has an inside track has something against me. Ok, that does sound paranoid. But eBay just doesn't move that fast! The funny thing is, it's merely a special SPANKING issue - hence this "rule" was violated:

"Titles or descriptions containing terms that imply any kind of graphic violence or bodily injury in a sexual setting or otherwise. Some examples of prohibited information would be reference to �BDSM� (S & M), �spanking�, or �gangbang�".

The first sentence is in their rules; the "examples" part of that is nowhere to be found. A quick look through their non-adult sections will yield plenty of "spanking" items, including info on how to spank your children, and an unusual amount of spanking stuff from Great Britain. Within the adult section, more spanking, and tons and tons of BONDAGE items. I can only guess that the good folks at eBay just don't know what the letter B D S M stand for, eh?




Monday, July 07, 2003
THERAPY

director: Al Parker (1985)
Starring: Daniel Holt, Shawn Roberts, Drake Cass, Pierce Daniels, David Ashfield, Tico Patterson, Rich Parsons, Alex Lago, Eric Ross, and introducing REX.

"Bearded psychiatrist Daniel Holt treats patients with sexual problems and gets off by listening to their fantasies and escapades." Well, he gets off on one, watching muscleguy Rex whack-off from the other side of a one-way mirror. Shot on film, this one is full of little bits of humor - like Holt's name in the movie (Dr. Neederdorfer?), the "Cassonova Complex", and of course Parker himself in a cameo arresting two guys having public bathroom/gloryhole sex (Parker loves the gloryhole scenarios, particularly the uncut cock poking thru the gloryhole). Pierce Daniels looks great in the alleyway 3-way, and oh yeah, David Ashfield is at his cutest since Pizza Boy, He Delivers (just chattering away during the whole sex scene). Not easy to find, but it's available from Bijou Video.




Sunday, July 06, 2003
Things I learned this weekend:
  • lying in a sling, waiting for your partner to return with his preferred brand of lube, a stranger will attempt to fuck you without as much as a hello or smile
  • people with cellphones will chat nonchalantly and loudly about how their day has been, and who they saw on the subway, sitting only 5 feet away from a man tied to a barber chair with his head in a plastic bag and his enormous hard-on being stroked by his partner
  • cellphones aren't just for making phonecalls, but can also be used as a flashlights in backrooms, pointed directly at crotches and impatiently waiting for the genitals to expose themselves into the greenish light
  • men who insist on being called "SIR" in an instant message conversation will send you facepics of themselves cuddling their adorable Chihuahuas
  • the beard still works well as something to grab onto while sucking, buttmuching, and oh-my-god, fucking in a sling in the middle of a room with a mirror above you and several men stroking thier dicks surrounding you
  • it is remarkably more of a turn-on than you'd think to have a French man lying across your lap say, as you slap his ass, "I dunt feel anything"
  • the imagery of the man sleeping in your bed at 2 in the afternoon is still vivid several days later, even when you've enclosed yourself in one of those play jailcells with a man nibbling at your neck and pulling at your jockstrap



Saturday, July 05, 2003

And take off that brassiere my dear

Take it off
Baby, take it all off
I want you to wave your hand to the world
I dont wanna feel no clothes
I dont wanna see no panties
And take off that brassiere my dear
Everybody's gone
I'm taking the receiver off the phone
Because baby you and me...
This night....
We're gonna get it on
To love serenade....



Friday, July 04, 2003
More (or less) on Limon v. Kansas
Of course, the instinct was to try to dig up some porno clip with some sort of Fourth of July theme - and the best I could come up with was some footage of 2 guys cruising at the base of the Statue of Liberty. Not terribly interesting, to be honest. Meanwhile, I've been kinda obsessing about this case, you remember, Kansas Told to Rethink Gay Sex Case - where the Supreme Court vacated the judgment and remanded the case to the Court of Appeals of Kansas for further consideration in light of Lawrence (very good analysis of this case at SCOTUSblog). I've been searching Google News several times a day for some sort of update. Nothing official, as I guess these things take time - which is rather disheartening. And its kinda unclear what will happen - what if the Kansas Court of Appeals manages to distinguish Limon from Lawrence because this case involves sex with a minor? And this kid (I say kid cuz he's only like 19 now) remains in jail? And even if they do overturn the original decision, this takes time - like it could be months, many months, from what I'm hearing! But it's very very sad to think about two teen kids, goofing around, one says "let me suck it" the other says "OK", then after a few minutes says "stop" the other kids stops, but he winds up in jail. I'm having real trouble figuring out the rationale for this. Right now this kid is in jail for doing what kids do - goof around with each other; and like any good kid, when his friend said "hey, I don't wanna do this anymore" they stopped. And we put him in jail so that....... um, yeah, I dunno either. So I am crossing my fingers and anxiously awaiting that Lifetime Movie moment, where we all get to tearfully rejoice as the kid is finally released from prison. That would be cause for a real Liberty celebration.



Thursday, July 03, 2003

choice 2 ......... "and see if i meet anyone interesting."



So, i have 3 choices - well more than 3, but these are the three I am contemplating:
  1. Stay in, try to get to sleep early, then do that errand I can only do in the morning that I haven't managed to do for the past 3 mornings, and start Thursday off in a productive mode.
  2. Go out to The Eagle for PORK, enjoy some decent music, decent men (I have to admit it's very refreshing to be in a room full of men who, even if no one talks to me, are at least in my age bracket), enjoy the 25 minute bike ride each way, which always gives me a chance to think about "stuff", and see if I meet anyone interesting.
  3. Stay in, clean house in the morning, and cross my fingers that the man I made the "date" with for 11 a.m. actually shows up. He's beautiful. I know, I know, it's only one pic, it was an AOL connection which rarely actually happens, let alone when planned a day in advance, and despite me making it clear I'm into "oral only" he said he really digs grabbing on to a smaller hairy guy and fucking him.
Or, of course, there's go out, drink, enjoy, get up whenever, and if he shows up, down a quick potful of coffee, and chow down on his hairy body and goatteed face, and take it from there - I don't have to be anywhere until Saturday at 11 a.m.



Wednesday, July 02, 2003
...... and now back to our regularly scheduled programming
Is it so much to ask for spelling, punctuation, and the occasional verb?

Gbuzz [2:53 AM]: hows it going
Gbuzz [2:54 AM]: pix on profile
bjland [2:55 AM]: hey man
Gbuzz [2:56 AM]: hows it going there
bjland [2:56 AM]: doing alright here. jsut goofing around, and you?
Gbuzz[2:56 AM]: bud same horny
Gbuzz [2:57 AM]: nice pix there
bjland [2:58 AM]: thanks, man - yours looks familiar, maybe we've talked before
Gbuzz [2:58 AM]: no i don't think maybe
bjland [2:58 AM]: maybe jsut saw your profile online...
bjland [2:59 AM]: so where are you, anyway?
Gbuzz [2:59 AM]: could be
Gbuzz [2:59 AM]: upper west 89th you
bjland [2:59 AM]: lower east
Gbuzz [2:59 AM]: cool
Gbuzz [3:00 AM]: were east
Gbuzz [3:02 AM]: you looking tonight
bjland[3:02 AM]: oh, 3 am and clear across the island doesnt sound like a "tonight" sorta thing
Gbuzz [3:03 AM]: will lets do it some time open tuesday
bjland [3:05 AM]: i guess i am sleepy, i've re-read that sentence a few times and i cant figure it out, guess its time for bed.
Gbuzz [3:06 AM]: man free all day tuesday you
Gbuzz [3:06 AM]: morning any time
bjland [3:07 AM]: ok, man have a good nite, time for bed
Gbuzz[3:08 AM]: bud you to let me no




Tuesday, July 01, 2003

oh. and i got a hickey.




I must say, I am having a real hard time with the sentiment of the "i agree with the outcome, but I don't see privacy in the Constitution" that seems common in many of the blogs i read (or used to read - - hehe, just kidding!) regarding the Lawrence decision. And I will admit to a certain laziness today about putting together something cohesive that addresses this, but perhaps a few points can be made to get the handful of people who want to give this more thought something to go on.

  • "The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. " - this is the 9th Amendment. Retained by the people - this means YOU, it's yours, it doesn't come from government, but is something that is yours. (And we form governments to help protect these rights) Rarely referred to, but very important in understanding our system - the idea that the INDIVIDUAL has rights, rights not necessarily spelled out in the Constitution (and the writings from this era point out to WHY the 9th was important, and why some were concerned about spelling out specific rights [Bill of Rights, the first 10 amendments] as it might give the impression that what was IN the Constitution would be all the rights the individual has). This week, the Supreme Court acknowledged that sexuality is part of that, one of the rights that a person retains, and without a rational reason, neither the Federal nor State governments can impede.

  • Judicial Review - guess what? that one's not in the Constitution either - the concept that the Constitution implicitly grants to the Supreme Court the power to invalidate any law that, in the Court's opinion, violates the Constitution - but those gosh-darned Justices just keep doing it!
  • LIBERTY - interesting that the Court in Lawrence didn't rely on the notion of a Constitutional Right to Privacy, but rather on Liberty - which, guess what??? it is in the Constitution! We see it in the 5th Amendment, and again in the good old 14th Amendment (one of my personal faves, the pertinent part here is that this basically makes the Bill of Rights applicable to the State governments - the relation between the individuals and the State) - No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."
ok, i'll spare you links and discussion of Natural Law (for now), but conclude with these questions. What is YOUR concept of Liberty? What do YOU think the relationship between government and the individual should be? Of course there are many different views, and many folks can quite convincingly back up their arguments with logic, laws, etc. But too often I hear this notion of "let the democratic process take its course" which I fear relies more on a tactical argument (if the people feel the Courts have imposed their will, the legitamacy of those rulings are questioned) than a Constitutional one. Why should we be willing to accept the idea that my rights are dependent on my convincing other people that I have them? Why can't we make the argument that we all share certain inalienable rights - "my body, my self" as some used to say in the 70's - why is that a radical notion? It does seem to have a lot to do with folks' hang-ups about sex, that this "merely" pleasurable activity isn't something to get all up all in arms about. I don't have the energy to discuss the importance of one's sexual identity, sexual choices, sexual freedom, etc., but I don't think it's hard to grasp the notion that it is the business of the individual person, and not the governement. Liberty. Is that like just too french for folks to embrace?