bj's gay porno-crazed ramblings
Saturday, August 31, 2002
I don't like going out on the weekend, but I had been in most of the day, I have to work tomorrow, and Saturday night going out is worse. So, after midnight, a quick ride out into the mayhem of the East Village, up to the Phoenix. Crowded, not too awful, made my way to the bar, beer, walk over to pool table and look around. No one I know, as I would've assumed, make my way to the jukebox's glaring neon light and lean off to the side. Half-way through the beer, the ex comes walking thru the crowd, we see each other, smile, no kiss, but light arm-touch hello. Chitchat chitchat nothing, he goes to bathroom, I try not to think about how damn good he looks. When he comes back, he says something like "well, have fun" implying he's leaving, but I see he just goes around to the side of the bar, talking to someone I can't see. Well, I was leaving after this beer anyway, and staying and wondering who he's with, me alone and grumpy before i even got here or saw him, it was best to leave.
3 years. 3 years and I've only ever seen or talked to him in that bar. Funny, early on, I would avoid most of the neighborhood bars on the weekends, knowing I didn't want to merely bump into him, and deal with all that awkwardness of having stuff to say, but wrong place to say it. Earlier today, I was realizing that I don't even spend much time with friends, let alone potential boyfriends, here in my home. I miss that. I miss being here where it's comfy, and nice, and I can make food, and play music, and laugh and share with people I like. Where did that go? I few months back I had a glimpse of that with someone, and when I got too into it, it was over before it really started. Sometimes that makes me very sad. Sometimes I look back at it and think "hey, you still got it in you, just be patient" - just be really fucking goddamn patient.
Friday, August 30, 2002
trying to put together another batch of "FREE STUFF" - some duped porno tapes to give away** (you pay shipping) - figure some of you might not be getting away for the weekend, and why not come back here later (Sat morning) and see what I've got.
Much on my mind, nothing to say. Please enjoy some random internet cock while I contemplate what I will do with my day off. And enjoy your Holiday weekend, y'all.
Thursday, August 29, 2002
If you don't have anything nice to say....Well, I didn't ask for feedback on the vidclip, so I should be happy that the one solitary comment was good, eh? Think I'll go back to the free stuff giveaway this weekend to get the much-needed attention from strangers. Meanwhile, not being able to sleep at 5 a.m., the rain gently hitting the window panes, thinking about that moment in the William Hurt film I was watching only an hour or two ago where he looks up at Holly Hunter with this certain expression of love, or awe, or affection, and it hit me hard, somehow. Was reminiscent of this look on my boyfriend's face over 3 years ago, when he asked me to take off my glasses as I was lying in this very bed and to just stay there so he could gaze at me in my boxers. He had been away for several days, a family funeral, and he just wanted to look at me, and somehow I felt so beautiful for those long minutes as he just slowly looked at my body, his eyes full of some emotion he had never expressed until that moment, and never actually said aloud. I was overwhelmed, quite frankly, and while normally quite nervous or apprehensive at such a moment, I allowed him the chance to look, and have his own thoughts, without interruption, or question, and after awhile he moved from the foot of the bed, and his warm body joined mine, and I hadn't ever thought our love-making could ever be that good, but it was.
Little did I know that that was the "peak", that while he seemed to be getting closer, in fact he was moving away from me, and I'll never know if the closeness scared him, the vulnerability of needing me, or the realization that my feelings for him were so intense and perhaps he knew his own would never match mine. Only 2 or 3 weeks passed before he was suddenly gone from my life, his decision made, one he felt no need to explain, just that it wasn't working for him, and that was that. The greif I felt seemed almost as immense as when my father died, this sudden and unexplained loss that I tried to minimize by thinking that at least it was only my loss, that he was still around to pursue whatever it was he needed to pursue. Even today I could name a million reasons why he would never make a good partner for me, and even today, I am saddened by the realization that I may never want to be a part of someone's life so much as I did back then, despite all those reasons. I have no idea why I fell for him; certainly he was very good-looking, and I looked forward to sleeping with him - but I mean sleeping, the comfort I felt from his snoring, his arm firmly wrapped around my shoulder as my head was pressed into his chest; the faint aroma in my sheets after he left for work, and I spent an hour or two drifting back into sleep; watching something on the Discovery Channel together after I brought Thai food by cab from Manhattan over the 59th St bridge to his apartment; watching his head nod back and forth approvingly when I blasted my Garbage CD single remixes; him telling me a week before the break-up that he felt like a lemur, clinging to me, and me not knowing that he thought that was a bad thing; going to the Bronx Zoo with his sisters and he only 4 days before he broke it off, thinking this was a good sign, I was meeting the family; me crying uncontrollably to my brother that day on the phone, the day that nothing else mattered, that the whole world came crashing in......
and the rain continues outside, my life drifts, I am re-arranging my apartment back to what it looked like 3 years ago, when i had a roommate, and a job, and a boyfriend, and the bed is back in this room, in that spot where I would wake up, and make coffee, and bring it to his barely-awake but smiling face, and nothing else mattered to me but that smile.
Wednesday, August 28, 2002
No, I'm not a Porno King, I just play one on the internet
I used to get mail like this every couple of weeks, or months, but this week, one each day?
Tuesday, August 27, 2002
First video cleverly titled BJ'S FIRST VIDEO actually sold about 15-20 copies on eBay in the summer of 2000. But I wasn't too happy with it, a simple jerk-off in a chair, some showering, and the rather awkward attempt to conceal my face just wasn't very good, in my mind. So I immediately started on my second, BJ DOES IT AGAIN. Which, in all modesty, 2 years later, I still think is pretty good. A rather vague and laughable "plot" implying some sort of voyeur poking around my fire escape, watching me in the shower, in bed, etc., finally breaking in, stealing my vintage porn collection, holding it ransom until I do a "hot personal video" for him. Of course, there's a few Bjork tunes, and some VCR background with some classic Joe Gage footage, and I thought it was kinda neat. Obviously, for the buyer, you'd have to want to see me whacking several times (6, 7?) over the course of 90 minutes, and hope the other stuff (filler) wasn't too boring (but i will tell you the last 15 minutes is fun, and hot - hehe - there, I said it!). I managed to sell well over 50 copies (yes I have a notebook somewhere with the exact count), and the guys who wrote gave varying levels of praise (the others, silent for various reasons - certainly some didn't care for it). While I was working on that, a few guys asked for watersports, or just watching me pee, which wasn't my thing, but I was intrigued by the idea (how the hell do I make a solo pee look interesting??) And I put a 2-minute teaser in Does It Again. Fall of 2000, as eBay was preparing to really crack down on the adult section (less pics, no underwear, no amatuer videos) I quickly put together my 3rd (and final?) video, BJ GETS WET. It was more than peeing, but some shower stuff, bathtub, and I think it was rather amusing ( like I actually pissed on a tiny TV playing a clip of the shower scene from Does It Again, for example).
I'm sure you are already asleep, but the vid clip has probably loaded. For those of you still reading, or reading this 2 days after posted and the clip is already gone, let me continue. I've got a ton of footage for what was supposed to be my fourth video, UNDERWEAR STORIES, which wasn't much more than the same whacking off, but in various kinds of underwear. But somehow, with all the footage, it just never jelled for me, never seemed to come together as anything cohesive. Probably seems stupid to outsiders, or to the handful still interested in seeing me on tape thumping on my wanger, but, in all honesty, the primary reason for doing any of it was for my own satisfaction - not merely the "high" of having strange men buy, and enjoy, and whack off along (which is, frankly, quite a high!), but it had to interest me, dare I say it, "artistically."
So, that's the really really long way of saying that this clip is part of what was supposed to be the fourth tape in the BJ series. I wanted to see if I could capture on camera me cutting my hair, in the time it took to play one single song, and without any ability to edit, it had to be one take. I set up some mirrors (visitors to BJLAND have often wondered why I've got so many mirrors around, it's all for ART, goddamnit!), the camera, a video monitor, the clippers, the stereo, did a couple quick checks for lighting, etc, and TA DA!! - BJ'S HAIRCUT.
p.s. - really, the clip is silly, rather boring, and you mostly just see my hairy back, and maybe a quick bit of frontal nudity, so lower those expectations..........
I think this is what's called a "teaser". I am trying to convert a HI-8 video clip to AVI then to WMV, and it's just some silly shit; I think it's my first time giving myself a haircut. So, between working on that, negotiating for sex later with an out-of-towner (and that's just getting too complicated, he has meetings, drinks with clients, ugh), and trying to meet up with a buddy to exchange some porno tapes I promised him maybe 2 long months ago, it's looking like a busy day off.
But, when I think back that only one week ago, I needed a job and a roommate, and now I have both, things are going pretty well for me. Both situations don't quite add up to fill in the money gap, but it's certainly a lot better than where I was at, so let me hit the showers, and get that video clip up sometime later this afternoon. (Well, you know me, this afternoon, this evening, 3 am., something like that)
ok. looks like despite my good fortune for the past week, I feel like starting my day off a bit cranky. So, which is tackier - downloading over 200mb's of music files from someone's site, or posting the I.P. address (126.96.36.199) and asking your nerdier readers to figure out who the guy/gal is who didn't even say "thanks for keeping your music directory open, love all those tunes I nabbed"?????
Monday, August 26, 2002
it's not meant to be a strife
rejection from a straight boyHe seemed nice. I was rather surprised that hours after he left, I kept thinking, "he's the one, he's the one" It was quite puzzling, and I tried my best to think through all the "downsides" - what if he has a bunch of crazy guy friends; egad if he ever got a girlfriend, could I deal with that? will I still be comfy in having my "casual friends" over? And then I had to think why, why did he seem like the one? Was it just because he fixed my monitor's screen display and seemed to know a bit about gadgets and computers? Was it the novelty factor - ooh look, I have a str8 boy!!? But after relaxing for awhile, I started to comparre him to the others, and he just seemed to fit. He was very comfy in the apartment, exploring, poking around, fixing the computer, checking out the view and then settling in the kitchen to talk about all the roommate stuff. And yes, something about his eyes said "please, I want a good home, can't you please help me?"
So I made the call, he picked up immediately, but sounded funny once I identified myself. "Not enough light, kinda small, I hate looking for a place with strangers...... can I get back to you in 6 hours?" I agreed, and by the time I got home from work, there it was, that red flashing light on the answering machine, rejection.
Sunday, August 25, 2002
menialAfter thinking about that word for the past few days, it's not really an accurate description of the new job. Well, in one sense it is, since menial apparently has something to do with domestic servitude; the definition mentions "servile" - but that seems a bit too harsh a description, as I am not slavishly submissive (not at work anyway), I simply take take-out orders for a restaurant. And the "degrading" part of this definition is way off, as the job itself is pretty straight-forward - take an order, take some cash, hand over some food; and the co-workers are fantastic, quite honestly. Very patient, ready to jump in and help at the slighest sigh, and for those first 3 days, always checking that I'm doing okay, and reassuring me that I am doing just fine.
The other new thing is getting ready for a roommate. Had 5 interviews last night. Two I am pretty sure I've narrowed it down to; one I couldn't live with as he is HOT HOT HOT! (hunky, incredible can't-take-your-eyes-off face) and the other two, well, just not a good fit (One just nervously laughed way too much; and the other, well, I just can't be explaining important words like "half-and-half" all day long). I have 3 interviews this afternoon. One I have already dismissed as he is unemployed but way too confidant in his abilities to get work, even if he has to "settle" for temp work. Ugh. I like a little humility with my living arrangements, thank you very much. One of the yet-to-be-seen men is 32, the closest to my age, but that's still 10 years difference. Wish me (and them) luck!
Saturday, August 24, 2002
There are at least three of us who regularly chew (gnaw) on your life, and who are curious about this gainful albeit menial employment you have secured. Please provide intricate details without hesitation, and certainly before Tuesday, your Day Off. And, so that you will know your audience, we will disclose that we are quite well off, never need to spend our own funds on pot, and have possibly rubbed shoulders, and maybe more, with you.
Um, am i allowed to fullfill this request for info in a more public manner - i.e. "the blog?" I wanted to feel a tad more secure in the job before going into it much, and also didn't want to give specifics, as there are local readers, so.... you know, who wants gawkers when you're trying to impress a boss.
So, my deadline is Monday midnight.?? hmmm, exhausted again today, working Sunday and Monday as it is, and interviewing roommates, might be tight................ (the deadline, not the roommates - well, as far as I know, but I digress..)
oh, and your clues/hints about yourself(ves) - i am so thick headed, I have no idea what you are talking about, which is fine. (although free pot certainly sounds intriguing)
grrrrrrrr. my computer is rebelling, and my "display properties" won't let me re-adjust a mistake i made, and now the screen looks all weird, and I can't see half of what is on the screen for most webpages! Meanwhile, I worked yesterday and completely exhausted myself riding around lower Manhattan, collapsed late afternoon in the 1/2 bed to a much-needed nap. Got up, re-arranged this room to try to squeeze the whole bed in, plus all the porno (good lord there is a lot of friggin' porno here!) The spare room still isn't quite ready, but cleared out enough that it'll have to do for the 3 or 4 interviews I have scheduled for this evening (after my first Saturday of work in 2-1/2 years!) If this post looks all funky, it's cuz I have no way to really see it properly. Can't believe I even made it to the post office earlier today. Can't wait til Tuesday, my first day off.
Friday, August 23, 2002
Thursday, August 22, 2002
My body seems to be rebelling about my upcoming "lifestyle changes." I am completely unable for the past 3 nights to sleep more than 20-30 minutes in a row anytime before 5 a.m. Last night I even had someone come over at 4:45 just because I knew I'd be up anyway, and figured maybe the few minutes of sweat and spurting could relax me enough to sleep. Well, it worked. But, alas, as handsome as his body was, he barely made eyecontact, and after all the "ooh, what a hot picture, send another" that came from him over the past 2 nights online, he did not use his mouth anywhere on my body! So obviously that ego-trip deflated quickly (am i mixing metaphors again? are those even metaphors?)I have to be somewhere Friday (egad, tomorrow!) at 10:30 ready to listen and take instructions and be a semi-productive member of society (for one day, anyway), and I can barely get out of bed by noon lately. Maybe if I finish the big household clean-up this afternoon, I can pull the bed in here and have a sleepless night near the p.c. and phone and hope that will get me up in time. I've made 2 roommate appointments for Saturday evening, but after the initial flurry of emails, they've trickled to practically nothing. I need to re-look at them and see who I may have forgotten to get back to. I may well be working outside the home soon anyway, which will be good for both me and any potential roommate. Cross your fingers that I can actually hold on to the low-paying menial job.
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
Starring: Kevin Redding, Nick Rodgers, Derrick Stanton, Greg Dale, Mike Bitler, Darla Lee Barnett, Jerry Foxe, and Jim Battaglia
not-too thought out observations after just reading all the roommate response emails
(I posted GM preferred, so lots of apologies from women and str8men)
Tuesday, August 20, 2002
I need disciplineI posted my roommate share thingee without much thought, and am now frantic about getting the place in order to show it. about 25 emails so far, and I don't know which day this weekend I can show it, as I have tentative commitments that I need to firm up first.
so, first step: GET OFF THE INTERNET!! - I can answer the emails later tonight after i get some more housework done, and can give a sort of "generic" answer to each. Also, I have more stuff to add to the FREE STUFF page, like perfectly good t-shirts, and yes, even underwear (unused, don't worry) that I found in a drawer. And probably more porno, as I have unearthed even more. scarey, scarey, scarey.
oh shit! just posted my room on CRAIG'SLIST and within 15 minutes got 10 responses! AM I ready for this? And I forgot to give ANY description of myself (i.e. dirty old man)
Who are you wearing?
It's been a very good 24 hours. A man who I shamelessly flirted with the Sunday night online (I get that way once I know we ain't hooking up) popped up online Monday afternoon, and we arrranged for him to come over. Someone reading my blog was interested in checking out the "spare room" and we arranged for him to come over. As I predicted, one was later than he said, one was earlier than we planned, and no doubt they cruised each other on the street as one was coming in and the other leaving. But it gave me some focus to my afternoon, making the apartmant look reasonably good (which I think I accomplished, not that it's not already a mess again). The potential roommate didnt give me much hint as to his interest level, but I could tell if he decided yes, it could be fun (as long as he doesn't drag more men in here than me, and I get envious!). The date got here and was immediately affectionate, and as I had already told him I was about to rent out the bedroom, we decided we ought to get some use out of it while it's still mine. Good kisser, nice, lightly fragrant hairy balls, yadda yadda yadda, then we snuggled and talked a bit. He was going off about some silly nonsense, some guy wearing a Versaci shirt to the movies, and how inappropriate it was for a Saturday afternoon; when I couldn't stop laughing, he asked why - and I had to admit I wouldn't have a clue, and it made me laugh that he described the guy in terms of each article of clothing and who had designed each (ok, so I can tell the difference between Gap and Bananna Republic, but that's cuz 80% of my clothing is from there). He looked at me with that "oh you lower east siders pretend not to know or care, but you do, I know you do" look, and we giggled and rolled around some more about our incompatibility (he the Chelsea Girl). He had to meet up with friends, but took a shower, which made me laugh later when I realize the mop and bucket from the frantic clean-up were still in the tub. Six or seven kisses from him as he said goodbye, some lingering outside the door as various neighbors suddenly were walking dogs and chasing cats (and me, shirtless, some drops of sweaty cum not-too apparent on my chest and stomach standing in the doorway) - and I noticed his tattoo, back of calf, that I hadn't seen previously (yes his legs had been in the air, but the sun was setting and I was more focused on taste and aroma, ok?).
After he left, I finally got to the package that came in the mail, a sweet man donated several wrestling tapes, and to my surprise and pleasure, two jockstraps plus an a-shirt that I quickly pulled on and wound up sleeping in (and am still wearing, see pic above). The "free stuff" page seemed to get some attention during the day and evening - funny (but not surprisingly) most of the porno has been snatched up - but check it out, a few things left. At the post office, all the cute men (all 4 of us) bought the new Andy Warhol stamps - one guy even added a stamp to a package that was already full of the right amount of postage, just cuz it added the right touch to the poorly wrapped package. The other two heard us talking about it, and when it was their turn in line, added Andy to their purchase. I am meeting an online pal in the morning for more donated porn and coffee, and Friday morning I actually have a paying gig and get to call a cute pal "boss" - which has totally got me turned on (if yer reading this, don't worry, I need the dough and wouldn't think of jeapordizing that - you know i'm all (well, 90%) talk, anyway). And am even working on posting a cool porno clip for later, so those of you who hate all this goddamn reading, don't despair.
After reading about Soft Cell's newest release, M/o/n/o/C/u/l/t/u/r/e, of course i had to find it. But why do the Germans get it first?
So last night, the fact that a potential roomate was coming by, and a sexdate soon after, got me to really clean up around here. But I'm sleepy now, so all I can remember was cell phones ringing, and the sex was good.
Monday, August 19, 2002
still sorting the duped videos - so I should have a few more on the list by morning (unless my evening goes better than expected - oops, did I just jinx myself?) - several already spoken for, so ACT FAST - oh, and daddy says hi.
Working on the FREE STUFF page - some stuff I need to throw away, but thought I'd give READERS a chance to nab a book or bootlegvideo or CD before it hits the trashcan. Hurry, cuz I need this stuff out of here!
Sunday, August 18, 2002
Naked In The Fall
Seemingly random thoughts on a hot Sunday afternoon, in no particular order:
Saturday, August 17, 2002
This morning I got my 1300th positive feedback on eBay. This afternoon I got this from my friends at the eBay Community Watch Team:
45 DAY SUSPENSION NOTICE
Dear bjland (email@example.com),
We regret to inform you that your eBay registration has been suspended
temporarily for a term of no less than 45 days.
Your registration has been suspended for the following reason:
Multiple violations of the mature audience policy cited.
All current listings, if any, have been subsequently ended as a result of this suspension, even though they may not be in violation of our policies. At the end of this period, you will need to write to eBay requesting a review of your account status for reinstatement. This process is not automatic.
Friday, August 16, 2002
Anyway, I watched part of a fantastic video - a film that was released in 1973, but is actually several shorts - The Erotic Films of Peter de Rome, specifically, Daydreams from a Crosstown Bus, which de Rome made in 1972. Simple, beautiful film. A guy on a bus spots a handsome man leaning against a tree, and imagines meeting, making love, walking around town, hanging out naked, more love-making, etc. Just so wonderfully made, so, well, erotic. The kind of film that makes you want to do something so beautiful and touching; the use of light, the music, the editing, the men are so clearly turned on to each other - you see it in their eyes - and some cool, yet subtle camera angles, framing, etc. Made me rather sad, actually. The man daydreams all this, finally snaps out of the dream, smiles at the guy against the tree, who smiles back. But the bus pulls away, and by the time he gets off at the next stop, runs back, he can't find the man. The power of desire, of imagination - just a handsome face on the street, and you imagine moving in together, late afternoon love-making, driving around town in a car with his arm around you. And the film is only about 15 minutes, very basic, but you've experienced this same scene yourself so many times, you get wrapped up in it, you want it to become reality, just like the daydreamer on the bus.
As promised, I finally got the video clip to work. Somehow it copied kinda stop-n-start, a few other problems, blah blah... but now it seems to work. Some background, in case you aren't a long-time reader here. Last summer I was lucky enough to get Bjork's Vespertine about a month early online, and of course loved it (don't worry, I bought 6 legit copies when it came out), was already a huge fan, and was so looking forward to her upcoming tour. There were also rumours of little surprise shows, where it would be announced only a day or two ahead of time, and would be in a smallish venue, perhaps 300-400 tops. Anyway, to make a long story short, I managed to get a pair of tickets by having like 17 browsers open on the day the tickets to the 100-seat show at Riverside Chapel was announced last September. I won't go on and on and on and on about it, just that it was phenomenal. And, lucky for everyone else as well, HBO taped it, and put part of it on their Reverb show last fall. My videotape copy isn't great, then transferring to avi format, then wmv format, well, I still think the clip is good. Although I don't care for their use of black/white cutaways - really annoying and pointless. Feedback on the clip is appreciated - will probably take down Saturday, Sunday at the lastest.
NLCxbg: howdy men anyone else having problems getting on to aol?
MusclBiNYC: Wassup looking to hookup and have a PIG bottom work on my 8 1/2 x 6 uncut black cock ... Let's do this so we can hookup and I can work on your douched and lubed azz and throat
MeDanonymous: has entered the room.
BJland: did i miss something about a douched throat?
Jungle ted: morning guys
BuckBlkTop: yeah, you missed that grammar lesson that adjectives modify only the nouns that are closest to them; otherwise, they are said to be dangling modifiers.
BuckBlkTop: and we all know how wrong dangling modifying phrases are :-D
BJland: oh right,
BJland: i forgot azz was a noun
BuckBlkTop: so, douched and lubed referred to azz not throat
BuckBlkTop: oh yeah, azz is a noun. anything you can touch is a noun
BuckBlkTop: and believe me..... he wants to REALLY touch someone's azz
Thursday, August 15, 2002
The other day I think I mentioned watching a video called Gay Erotica From the Past 8 , which is a part of a series of videos showing gay movie clips from the 50's, 60's, and 70's. This particular video uses a lot of scenes from some film that uses Lou Reed's Transformer as the soundtrack. It's rather typical early 70's shaggy hair sex, but near the end of this clip, you'll see a silly little non-sex bit that I thought was too funny not to post!
Meanwhile, my bad news yesterday morning was that eBay had cancelled just about every auction I had running, due to a misinterpretation of a simple phrase I have been using in practically all my auctions for over a year now -
And yesterday's mail surprise was the Simpsons 2nd Season DVD from a fantastic pal in the midwest (slurp!). I had my usual restless night in bed, followed by a few solid hours of sleep once the sun came up and I slept too late. And there are a few of you who have sent me nice long emails in the past week, and I promise to get to them real soon.
Wednesday, August 14, 2002
beliesum, er. 95 degrees out, bad headache, more crappy news, this time via email, a fantastic gift in the "real" mail today, my brain is about to explode, my apartment is a mess, and I need to get a roommate, but I have done absofuckinlutely nothing about it. While it's not like anyone has offered, sex isn't really a good option, as I need something much more intimate than that....... I was trying to figure out how to use the word "belies" in a sentence, but alas, I can't.
Abanico27 [1:06 AM]: hi
BJland [1:15 AM]: hey man...
Abanico27 [1:15 AM]: hi
Abanico27 [1:15 AM]: im hard & need 2 blow got xpix?
BJland [1:16 AM]: haha funny
Abanico27 [1:17 AM]: ?
Abanico27 [1:17 AM]: =(
BJland [1:18 AM]: you're on the internet, if you need help finding pics, i feel sorry for you
Abanico27 [1:18 AM]: bye
BJland [1:18 AM]: ciao, baby
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
I'm sorry to keep you waiting, very busy here at BJland - why don't you check out some magazines or these playful men to occupy yourself?
"You're a slick little girl, eyeliner, blah blah..... we're coming out of our closets" I'm pretty sure it's Lou Reed singing, but this is one of the many reasons why I can never get anything done. Here I am dilligently making some auction pages, typing up descriptions, uploading pics, trying to get through this quickly so I can post a bunch today, and then a supposed throwaway title like Gay Erotica From The Past Vol. 8 comes up, and opens with this song, then a jazzy instrumental of that Baubles, Bangles song (Deodato?). The earlier volumes of this series have more 50's, 60's naked men jumping rope type film clips, but now I see its got some early 70's gems. Grrrrrrr.
Monday, August 12, 2002
........well, I woke up wearing someone else's underwear, I guess that's good. Oh yeah, it was good. He actually giggled when I asked him to leave them, the cute young fuzzy thing. Once he had showered and dressed, I pulled the black Hanes on and walked him the 3 feet from the bed to the door, kissed him goodnight (or was that good morning?) then scurried into the kitchen for some food.
No, really, let me know if you need to send me your old porn.
Sunday, August 11, 2002
it's stupid! it's boring! it's only filler! but in honor of a friend of mine who I had a "discussion" with about site referrrals (how Google, etc., look-ups get folks to your web page):
Saturday, August 10, 2002
Ansalpal [8:41 PM]: i have no pic but i'm a str8 italian 43yrs young in great shape i would luv to stick my DICK in your mouth
ORAL3way [8:41 PM]: um, hello
Ansalpal [8:42 PM]: lol lol
Ansalpal [8:42 PM]: actually it would even be hotter if you were sucking two dicks at once
ORAL3way [8:42 PM]: but
ORAL3way [8:42 PM]: i dont think that qualifies as "str8"
Ansalpal [8:43 PM]: thats funny
geez. i did some bad HTML, and the song link below is screwed up with the archive thingee. And "edit" doesn't help, nor does "enter safe mode"! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. Starting the day without half and half is going real real well.....
grrrrr. looks like by fixing this I am inadvertantly deleting a post i don't want to delete. maybe I can just stick it in here (so to speak). awww crap! I think one of the cute menses I saw last night was not a cute str8 boy, but a cute gayboy. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. Well, at 1/2 my age anyway, it would've only been like 3 weeks of hot sweaty August fuzzysex, and whothehell would want that?
NO F//CKING HALF AND HALF! oh this coffee tastes awwwwwwwwful! someone pleeeeease bring me some half and half.
Friday, August 09, 2002
ok. let's see if I can make this interesting to anyone who wasn't there, or isn't a blogger and doesn't care what happens when a bunch of them are in a room, many of them drinking. Some guy named Philo who has a big ass blog/website with his buddy Choire was visiting him here in NYC and wanted all the locals who they link to, and/or are linked by, to come by an airplane-looking bar to meet and hang out. Seems simple and straight forward. But I ain't too good with strangers, and certainly not big groups of them, but I had nothing to do last night, and thought it would be very foolish of me not to just get overmyself and go like 6 blocks from my apartment and say a friendly "hey" and get it over with. Of course, as close as this bar was, I rode by it 3 times before actually seeing it, then locked my bike, made sure I had enough money in my pocket to drink beer in case I had nothing to say or no one to say it to.
Mr Philo was right near the front, and somehow knew who I was, and gave me a great big genuinely warm hello, along with a beautiful woman who was ordering fancy coloured drinks. Soon I saw Andy, who I already know, and actually ran into earlier in the day, and Scott, Andy's pal, and so that was a great warm-up. Then a few locals who I've read, or emailed, or left stupid comments on their comments page, and then someone took a pic, and somehow my skirt, er, shirt, got lifted upwards. Oh and I think I scared a str8 man who's birthday it was, as he was taking pics with his website signage, and I can't remember if he asked me, or if I just grabbed the sign from him posing with my pants pulled downwards, exposing my boxers. (Or did I refuse to give the sign back until he took a pic, nevermind, it was fun). Er, but while I was waiting for him to focus, he said something about us "all going to hell for this" and someone told me later you could see my pubes. Sheesh! Just a few curly hairs poppin' out, that's gonna be some crowded hell if that's all it takes. Oh and a few hours later, I watched 2 guys with boyfriends kiss the longest kiss goodbye, while I'm getting these shakes from needing the next beer (Naw, each has an "understanding" with the partner, and I'm like - what's the point of cheating if you don't get the guilt-thrill along with it? These kids today...)
Oh, and I got brave and forced myself on a few people, cuz I figured maybe they were also shy goofs like me who needed the push of a "hello, I loved it when I read XXXXX on yer webpage" and it worked. And I look like someone's ugly brother, apparently. And someone offered me free porn. Or begged me not to do porn. And lesbians were talking about how gaymaleporn is so much better than lesbian porn, but a couple gayboys were talking about how str8porn is better than gayporn. Several really nice people to talk to, several really handsome people (okay, they were men, sorry I just. can't. do. that. )(why were 2 of the 3 I wanted the most st8boys - ewww, that's so unlike me, but maybe it was the facial hair; or maybe they think they are str8, but just need a little encouragment, wink wink, say no more. And the other was "partnered" (with no discernable "understanding")), and I was surprised I was one of the last people there, but the regular crowd of ACDC-loving st8 folks were sorta takin over the bar by then, so I left.
So, I'd have to say, if I added up the number of people there who I had previously had sex with who I still talk to, divide that by the number of people there I want to have sex with sometime in the near future, multiplied by the number of people who I tried following into the bathroom who didn't push me away in a rude manner - hmm, I'd have to give the party a 9. Or 8. Or 9. I like both numbers, so it's still good, I just can't remember if I carried over the 4 after dividing that last part....
Um, while I attempt to remember what day this is, and if I am accidentally drinking decaf again (please god, help me wake up!), occasional tidbits from a night out with bloggertypes - this one finally did the master of his own domain thing, so please visit and say some nice stuff to the hairy young man.
I think I'll try to get a job at the Sears Portrait Studio - apparently they provide sheer shorts to the customers.
Thursday, August 08, 2002
Sometime after 4 this morning, a pal who hasn't spoken to me in 2 years has just snapped his cockring on, and pulls out a pair of Hanes from one of his drawers and asks me to put them on. Why is it that we (or maybe it's just me) only do these things when we are too drunk to do them well? Even though I am extrememly (not a typeo, cuz that's the way I'd say it if I could speak) hungover, I am glad I had those beers that gave me the nerve to go up to him at the Cock and say "We've both had enough beer to ignore the fact that you are mad at me and we can say HEY" He smiled slyly, and said HEY, then something along the lines of not being mad anymore. I told him I missed him and he looked good. A pal of his (a very cute upstairs neighbor of mine, in fact) joined us, and we giggled to the disco tunes blasting, smoked some dope, had more beer. We caught up only a small amount (nothing in my life has changed really), and he still loves my whole underwear-on-eBay thing (and selling the beard, - ahhh the good old days!). I had forgotten that he is almost exactly the same age (same sign, same year), something that both of us find rather reassuring somehow. I doubt I will ever get over my crush on him, as he is sexy and fun and smart; but it's a good crush, the slight flirty kind but can still share stories of conquest and shit kind, you know? And he did - tales of hot Latins in Miami (I forget his exact nationality, but he's dark and has fantastic arm tattoos) - of pulling out his laptop within minutes of checking in to a hotel and having someone on his way over soon after that.
Anyway, the other guy had work in the morning, and said goodnight. We had one more beer, and not until he misheard something I said and replied "oh, wanna get out of here?" did it occur to me that there might be sex. Even then, it could just be the old "it's late, lets smoke some pot and pass out on the livingroom floor" thing. His stereo was on when we got there, his cat was rather loud and needy, and he put his little pipe in my mouth and lit it.
I knew enough to leave soon after he came, since we'd both be passed out within a minute or two, and the morning hangover what do we say to each other thing wasn't something I felt like experiencing. I don't want to analyze or "process" it together - the ice was broken, we don't need to ignore each other as we pass on the street riding our bikes (yeah, we used to bump into each other on the street and talk bike stories - going on and on about stupid pedestrians, or methods of cruising/circling cuties on the street).When I got down to street level, pausing to remember where he had me lock the bike around the corner, the sky that slightly light dark blue as the birds were deciding if it was time yet, I wondered if this would be the last night of stupid inebriation, or if the 20 bucks still in my desk drawer at home would mean I'd try again later tonight. $3.00 draft beers at the Phoenix....... Bike, get me home.
Wednesday, August 07, 2002
don't they still have the death penalty in Texas?
Anyway, I'm really kinda pissed about last night. I mean, the sex part lasted all of 10 minutes, then he wanted to cuddle - for the rest of the night! Sheesh, the guy didn't leave til 8 this morning, and yet, again, I didn't get my turn, he finished up so fast - what's with these young guys, anyway? So, the kicker is that I have a huge hangover - no booze, no drugs, I didn't even work up a sweat, let alone cum, last night; and here I am at noon and my head is pounding like I was carousing all night...... grrrrrrrrrr.......
Tuesday, August 06, 2002
Can I just say I'm not cut out for this? 3 phonecalls later, and it's 11:00 instead of 9:30. Not that I don't have stuff to do (like eat, I can't believe I've barely eaten all day - that would make a fun date, me passing out while his balls are down my throat). And of course its one of those special cell phones with the added underwater sounds. He called from his office using the cell, then again going into the subway, now getting out. I think he had a cute face (that red light makes everyone have a certain loveliness at 1a.m.), and who knows, maybe he's a nice guy, too. Sexdate anxiety - not pretty.
midnight - I am flirting with a guy on-line, but his questioning about how "ripe" I am is just a bit too much, and I sign off.
Monday, August 05, 2002
And some eBay auction! Look at what someone paid for FINISTERRE last night! And you'd think their weren't already remixes available on blogsites (hint, pic below)!
think there's any connection between me being a smartass in chatrooms and posting people's silly AOL profiles here, and the fact that its been awhile since I've had any actual sex? No, the spooging incident last Sunday night doesn't count as sex - while my definition of sex is fairly broad, it lasting more than 45 seconds is one of the criteria - so, maybe i need to change some of these non-working habits (like last night - ouch! ewww! ouch, arrgghhhh!) and maybe even..... hmmm, almost said something about getting a job, but
In other news..... big fuzzy thanks to all the folks (lots of never-heard-from-before types!) who responded to my desperate plea for beard validation - it's still here, getting THICKER just thinking about those emails......
Sunday, August 04, 2002
Ok, so clearly I will never get a date via AOL chatrooms, so I was thinking maybe I'll become an AOL proofreader.
AMUSLVR: LOOKING FOR MUSCULAR TOP WHO NEEDS DISCREET, SAFE, HOT SERVICE
BJland: east side, ddownntownnnnnn
AMUSLVR: Looking for Built Top. Discreet, safe, passionate oral service from a healthy, cleancut, masculine, white expert.
BJland: white expert?
Solidvideo: oppurtunity to do adult film for amateur company if intrested read profile and email or im us all ages and couples and groups welcome interviewing this week for shoot later in the mth
AMUSLVR: Looking for Built Top. Discreet, safe, passionate oral service from a healthy, cleancut, masculine, white guy.
could this AOL profile make the "job" of a blowjob sound less sexy?
This is the part where I say something like "Oh why am I trying to grow a beard in the heat of August?" and you say something like....
Saturday, August 03, 2002
Friday, August 02, 2002
I'm the last splash
Thursday, August 01, 2002
Deveau's first film stars Ray Frank, Robert Rikas (who was also in Rob Simple's American Cream, also from the early 70's) and Larry Burns. Bob Rikas, who is apparently str8, with a girlfriend, is seduced by Ray Frank (who meets Rikas at his pal's antique shop shortly after giving, and receiving, a blowjob in a public bathroom). As their relationship develops, str8 guy drops the girlfriend, and sees more of Frank. Larry seems a bit left out (although we do get to see a hot fantasy scene with him, shot in black and white) and by the end of the film arranges an orgy, inviting his old friend Ray to participate. But, alas, he "inadvertantly" arranges for his dope dealer, formerly str8 Bob, to drop by around the time that the orgy is just finishing up, catching his new lover Frank in the middle of it all. Got that? (Actually, I had to re-watch it tonight to get the details straight, so not to worry - the trailer itself is fun). Enjoy
Excuse me, I don't come here to read you whining about your feelings. Where's the goddamned porn? Another t-shirt pic won't do it, either.
The bombing at Hebrew Univeristy has got me so upset, and angry. I don't know what I think, actually. And what i think or feel isn't the point. I know that any of this madness is awful and disgusting, why does this stand out and upset me so much? My idealized vision of a university setting, where we allow kids the freedom to learn, and explore, and grow; where we want to nurture their minds so that they can somehow fuckin' rescue us from more of this shit in the future ?